BANGERZ (2014)

5. TKO

Jason doesn't show up at school for the next two days.

I'm much too disappointed for someone who wants to stay away from him. I can't help it. I want to see him. He's magnetic, intriguing, so completely different from me that I want to know more than what I already do. It's like the bad in him is stirring the tiny bad in me, and inspiring the thrill.

Which is why I'm dying to ask him about the incident in the alleyway. I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to see that, but since I did, I'm no longer doubtful of the kind of business Jason and his crew handles. They're a legit gang with claim to turfs, involvement in shipments, and rivals to contend with. I don't even know the surely riskier details, but I want nothing more than to fill in the blanks.

But I don't get the chance. He doesn't come to school on Wednesday or Thursday. I don't start my Stat tutoring sessions with him. Danny picks me up after school at my request - Jason told me not to walk alone, so I don't. I go to work and drink espressos. I think about him at night as I'm pottering around in my bedroom, mindlessly keeping myself awake. And under my disappointment and hopeless desire to be around him, I start to worry. Did something terrible happen? Did his rivals try to get revenge for their punching bag friend? Did they kidnap or threaten him? What if they're holding him hostage?

Once again my imagination is out of control. I'm positive that if something happened to Jason, his crew would be the first to know. Miley, Za, and Khalil act completely normal at school. Za and I are partners for our Anatomy lab. Miley, who I'm most familiar with next to Jason, says hi to me in Stat and asks me to be in their group for the survey project. Neither of them says a word about Jason, and I'm not brave enough to ask. Whatever's going on, maybe they're not supposed to talk about it. I'm actually taken aback that they're talking to me at all. Khalil is the only one I haven't really spoken to, but even he nods to me in Psychology.

People gawk at me in the halls and cafeteria. I thought the point of staring and gossiping was to not be noticed, but they're not inconspicuous at all. They want to know just what exactly is going on. Hell, I want to know too.

On Friday, I try not to mope to my locker after second period French. Anatomy is my next class. Jason probably won't be there. I just want him to coast into class on his skateboard again. Or mutter jokes under his breath like Za does. Or show up in the first place. Anything to distract me from the boring class and this heavy book...

As I'm pulling said book out, I clumsily knock over my bottle of Adderall. Dammit, it must've fallen out this morning when I was packing my locker! It's my first day using it and I haven't organized my stuff properly. The cap falls off as it hits the floor, and amphetamine pills go skittering at my feet.

"Shit," I mutter, mortified. I can't leave them - a teacher or administrator can't see these - so I drop to my knees and try to gather the capsules without bringing attention to myself. But people around me have already noticed and are either staring or laughing.

"Druggie," I hear Stacey say as she walks past me.

I want to crawl into a hole and die. Great, now everyone is going to think I'm exactly that: a druggie. Normally I wouldn't care, but this is embarrassing. And untrue. This is only going to inspire more gossip.

As I'm reaching for the orange bottle, someone else picks it up and stands. I glance up and Jason McCann is there, leaning against the row of lockers and looking down at me. I scramble to my feet, speechless. I have so many questions, but not one comes out. Oh my God, he looks so good. He's wearing a denim button-down over a white T-shirt and his chains, black skinnies, and Vans. A Snapback hangs from his jeans. His hair is different today: the pompadour is a little messy and hanging in his face over his forehead. It's so hot.