the propinquity effect

37

+ 37 +

I woke up with the sound of someone pulling my blanket and pulling me along with the white soft cotton cloth that kept me warm through the night. After landing onto the floor with a thud I groaned lightly and opened my eyes slightly, enough so the light could enter my iris. I pushed myself up and stretched lightly, still with thw blanket pooling around my body.

Mom stood in front of me, not in her work suit but rather in her house attire. Her dark hair flowing down the side of her face, the light from the window making her cheekbones looked slightly taller than usual. She had her hands on her his; the lecture position. She would do that when she was about to get mad at me. I didn't do anything wrong, that was what I thought.

"What?" I asked, standing up and crawling back into my bed. Curling into a fetal position and trying to pull my blanket up with me.

"Do you know Michael is on his way to the airport now?" Mom patted my hair that laid flat on the pillow. I looked up and rubbed the sleeppiness off my eyes, trying to focus completely on Mom who looked worriedly down at me. She knew I had fallen in love with Michael and my life would be a living hell without him.

"Yes, that's why I refuse to wake up." I buried my face back into my pillow, grabbing another one and stacking it on top of my head. Pushing down so I wouldn't need to listen to Mom blabbering about me losing Michael. I could get him back if I wanted to, I wasn't sure if I needed to.

"Did you give up on him?" Mom stroked the back of my head lightly, running it down onto my back. She kept on rubbing it up and down, in a way to sooth me when I didn't want to be soothed. I lost Michael and there wasn't any way I could even get him back.

"No, I didn't. I was just letting him go. Do you know that saying when you love someone let them go, if they don't come back then they were never yours and if they come back they're yours forever?" I was finally able to sit up right, my neck was hurting because I slept in the wrong position. My hands were dug into the mattress so I wouldn't slip down.

"Yes." Mom answered honestly, nodding her head once and letting her wavy hair bounce up and down. Her green eyes locked with mine and I looked away, knowing I was going to cry because her eyes reminded me a lot of Michael's.

"I'm letting him go now and if he comes back then he's mine and if he won't then he never was and never would be." I replied, running a hand through my hair, attempting to get it out of my face. Mom put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed it assuringly while biting her bottom lip.

"What if he's doing the exact same thing? What if he's waiting for you to come back too?" Mom asked a question I didn't know the answer of in which resulted in me digging my face into my pillow again. My hands on my sides as I wanted to sob harder, I lost Michael.

"I need to be alone, now, Mom." I told her and I could feel the bed undipping, signaling me that my mom had stood up from my bed. The soft padding of her feet echoing through the brick walls made me realize that she had walked away from me.

"He left you something, a CD, it's on the dining table along with a note. You should give him another chance." Mom said, I sat up again, almost too fast that my vision became blurry and tiny white spots clouded it. Mom was still standing in the threshold, her arm supporting her tiny body.

"Mom, he hit me, don't you see?" I pointed to the still numb feeling bruise on my jaw and tilted my head to the side. I knew my mom supported me with everything I did, I didn't know if she could be that supportive. "You really love me, don't you?"

"When I didn't support you two together you're so mad, when I became supportive you're mad also. Which one should I support?" Mom had became annoyed with my weird mind. She wasn't mad, just simply annoyed that I kept on changing my mind about the whole thing with Michael. Mom waved her hand in front of her face and sighed, her shoulders rising and falling along with her short breath. "Nevermind, just go down for breakfast, Dave's here."