Dear Katherine

What does he have?

Dear Katherine,

     On the last day of school, you weren't in your usual spot on your locker in the hallways. And I was left there, awkwardly waiting for you.

     It turned out that you were actually with Logan. You guys had talked and exchanged numbers and then you came to your locker.

     You want to know how I knew that? Because you told me.

     You told me straight out, with a smile on your face.

     And for an odd reason, I didn't like seeing your smile that time. Why? because someone else caused that smile, and not me. Another boy made your happy, and not me.

     I told you a joke, and you didn't laugh. You just gave a dismissive semi-huff semi-chuckle and then I walked you to class like I always did. But this time, you didn't give me a smile. And this time, you didn't wave goodbye to me.

     And that day, I had thought 'what does he have that I don't?'

     Well okay first of all, he was better-looking than I was. That was a fact. He was handsome and was tall yet muscularly thin, if that even made sense. But I, on the other hand, was average-looking and freakishly tall and miserably lanky.

      But I didn't believe that that was the reason why you liked him and not me.

     Why? (Why do I always ask why?) Because I knew that you weren't shallow enough to like someone better because of their looks. I knew you. You were a good person, Kath. And even though some people might have just called me in-denial for choosing not to believe that reason, I didn't care. I knew you weren't t like that.

     But even though I chose to believe that that wasn't the real reason, I couldn't help but feel insecure deep inside.

     Logan had dark hair and a haircut that made almost every girl in school want to run her hands through it. I knew because they would talk about it all the time. He was tannish, I guess. But he was a handsome dude, all in all.

     I had light brown hair, and a Justin Beiber haircut because I grew up with that hairstyle and wasn't very comfortable with change. But still, I couldn't help but view myself as a worthless, pathetic piece of crap compared to Logan.

     And take this, I had never felt insecure before in my entire life, until that day.

     And it wasn't because of Logan or anyone else, Kath. It was because of you.

     Forever yours,

     Jonathan