𝑷𝑨𝑷𝑰 . | BxB

| Six | Pretending

                                    | Six | Pretending

Is it asking too much if I want to put my energy towards something of value? Is it selfish? Or am I being greedy for wanting something I can't have?

      And if the answer is yes, then what's the point in us pretending?

   In all forms of equivalent exchange, my time and his heart were what we were supposed to trade. Either my pride won't let me see it, or my heart is just too big to accept the possibility of my feelings not being returned in the same favor.

I know my thoughts about him remain the same: constantly in doubt of not receiving the same love I'm sending out, never knowing if the time was right to ask, or maybe I should wait for time to catch me and tell. How could he not see that all I wanted him to do was kiss me?

     I hated this Power he had over me while his body hovered over my own. He looked down upon me like he had something to say.

     "You can get off me now Joel." I figured I should say sooner rather than later to save the awkward tension that loomed between the space that separated us.

"Why should I?" He cocks a smile, always so sure of himself. Making me realize that a lot of things attracted me to him, but his confidence and sometimes arrogance more than likely played the biggest of roles.

"Because I feel like you're starting to like it." I spoke after trying to think of something that would at least give me a better idea of where his head was at. If we're gonna kiss then negro kiss me, like what the fuck are we doing right now? Is he even serious?

    But then he stared down at me intensely. Reminding me of every moment similar to this before.

              "Maybe I do." He says. I rolled my eyes in my head as he's still being all cryptic and shit.

"So what's stopping you?" I inquire sarcastically before he tried to change the subject. Wanting to be proven wrong for once. 

                He smirked mischievously, "You wanna do a shotgun?" He tempted me with marijuana of all things. I try to shrug my shoulders, only able to move them slightly as I was on my back.

He lifts himself up off of me and bites his lip in a smirk. Looking around aimlessly like the goof ball that he is, before moving my knees outward with his own and returning to hovering over me. This time our body's connecting with no room in between.

         "Why are you acting like you don't know what you're doing?" I asked. His movements looked slightly nervous.

"I don't know." He presses himself against me once again in a rubbing motion.

          I felt a large lump begin to form within my throat out of anxiety. An unsatisfying feeling to say the least. Though he were saying those words to me, and though I feel the warmth emitting from his back in the palm of my hand, he was saying no, but his very actions were saying the complete opposite at this point.

       We exchanged no more words. Instead, the gap between us came to a close. He blew the smoke that he accumulated on his own into my mouth gently. I allowed the smoke to bounce off of my face and into my lungs. I gripped the sheets with my hands trying to resist the urge to kiss him while he was right there, but I couldn't any longer.

       I pressed my own lips against his. I felt that if I hadn't been the one to give in, I'd still be waiting on that moment. I had closed my eyes in the moment of me doing it and opened them once realizing that his lips were still. I looked for his eyes and kissed him again, this time more relaxed and less forced in a peck yet, his eyes only seemed to watch my lips interact with his own.