Under the Willow Root

Chapter 45

Two days later, I meet Luca at the kennels to see a new batch of puppies. Things have been...different. Not strained, exactly, but definitely different. What we shared under the mountain changed things irrevocably. The way we look at each other, the way we talk to each other, even the way we move around each other is different--in a good way. But the memory of what happened after hovers between us, making everything feel unstable even though we haven't spoken of it again.

Luca said he has a surprise for me, but I don't think it's the puppies. Whatever it is, he's excited about it. He keeps getting up and checking the door like he's waiting for something. After the fifth time, I laugh and demand to know what it is, but he won't tell me. The sixth time, he bounds back with a huge grin on his face.

"They're here!" he says excitedly.

"Who?" I ask, dread creeping into my stomach.

"My brother and sister," he tells me.

"Luca!" I cry, aghast. "You promised--"

"Don't worry," he says soothingly. "Just listen to what Costi has to say. He can help you, Sasha, I'm sure of it. But if not...I've made them promise not to say anything to anyone. I trust them."

"You promised, too," I snap. "I trusted you."

I close my mouth abruptly as the door opens and the Prince walks in with a dreamy-eyed, auburn haired girl of maybe fifteen or sixteen. Both look perfectly friendly and glad to see me, but I can't help backing against the wall in fear. My heart is pounding and my hands shake, a reaction more to Luca's betrayal than to any immediate threat.

"Hello," Prince Miocostin says, holding a hand over his heart. He studies me. "You must be Sasha. I've been wondering who's had my brother's head spinning all this time. I'm very happy to meet you. This is Arismendi, our sister."

"You can call me Ari," the girl says, taking my hands. "I know you might be leaving soon, but I hope we can be friends until then."

I shoot a furious glance at Luca. I feel like someone has dumped ice water all over me and then dropped a bowling ball on my stomach. I pull my hands away and edge around Arismendi.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I don't feel very well. I think I should go."

"Don't be angry with Coran," Arismendi pleads. "It's my fault, really, I--"

"That's enough," Miocostin says, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Coran, why don't you show Ari Petal's new litter while I set Sasha's mind at ease?"

"Alright," Luca says, looking relieved. I glare at his back as he goes.

"Ari's right," Miocostin says. "You shouldn't be angry with Coran."

"I call him Luca," I say nonsensically.

"He was only trying to help," Miocostin tells me. "He doesn't understand why you were so insistent that I can't help you. But I do. I understand perfectly."

"Oh?" I ask suspiciously. "How is that?"

"Because," Miocostin whispers, leaning close. "I know who you are, Blue."

I don't stay to hear anything more. I'm out the window and over the courtyard wall before the Prince can raise a hand to stop me. I run headlong through the streets, not caring that I'm making a spectacle of myself. I just need to get away. Everything Sadra warned me about--and which I insisted was no risk at all--has come true. I feel sick and stupid and completely ashamed.

I want to find Sadra and confess, but she's not at the Temple. I hide in our room, nearly jumping out of my skin every time someone passes by my door. Kana brings me a plate of food later in the evening, but I can tell she's just looking for gossip. I tell her only that Luca did something terrible, knowing that she'll start all kind of crazy rumors as to what that terrible thing might be. It's probably better that way--it will keep anyone from trying to find out the truth. I make her promise not to let Luca in if he comes looking for me.

Sadra arrives the next day, and the whole thing starts spilling out of my mouth before she can even close my door behind her. I tell her everything. I don't leave anything out, not even the underground lake. I can barely speak, my throat closed by angry, heartbroken tears.

I keep waiting for a big, fat "I told you so." I know I deserve that and more. But Sadra just listens patiently and holds my hand until I'm finished, then tells me that it will be alright, that we'll handle it. I believe her. I trust her. I realize that she can do what Luca clearly can't. I believe that she can--and will--support me no matter what, that she will protect me. She has always protected me.

I kiss her.

After a moment, she kisses me back. It's both more and less than kissing Luca. When Luca kisses me, my whole body ignites. My head spins and I want to melt into him. I don't feel that now. But kissing Sadra is like coming home. There's a warmth, a perfect comfort that isn't there with Luca.

"Sasha, stop," Sadra murmurs, pushing me back gently. "We can't do this."

"I'm sorry," I whisper. My face burns and my hands shake. "I'm sorry, I don't know what...I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Sadra says with a shaky laugh. "I used to daydream about kissing you all the time."

"You did?" I ask, my jaw dropping. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because," she says, "you only ever look at men. I've always known that. Right now you're upset and scared and and confused and mad at Luca and I'm the only one who can understand. I'm not going to take advantage of that, or of you."

"How do you know I haven't just realized I'm in love with you?" I ask mulishly, but I'm already starting to regain my senses. I feel like an idiot.

"Oh, I know you love me, and I love you too, of course," she says, squeezing my hand. "We're soul-friends. Kinspirits. But it's not the same."

"I'm so embarrassed," I groan, rubbing my still-flaming face. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she says again. "It's easy to mistake one kind of love for another. Believe me, I know. I really did fall in love with a girl once, and I thought she loved me too. I was fourteen, and didn't know what to do about it. So I did what you just did, and she was horrible to me. I would never do that to you."

"But..." I take a moment to process what Sadra just told me. "Sadra, is--is that why you've been helping me all this time? Because you--"

"No, of course not," Sadra rushes to tell me. "Or maybe at first, but not anymore. I'm helping you because you're my friend and because it's the right thing to do. How could I live with myself if I turned my back on you, knowing what I know?"

"So you don't..."

"Not anymore," Sadra assures me. "I wouldn't risk what we have. Not for anything."

"That's good," I sigh. "I'm still sorry. About this...about everything. I should have listened to you."

"Maybe so, maybe no," Sadra says with a shrug. "Who knows? No one has come to kill you or arrest you yet. Maybe the Prince really can help. In any case, we need to meet with him and find out what he knows."

"How are we going to do that?" I ask. "I don't want to talk to Luca..."

"Leave it to me," Sadra says firmly. "I'll be at the palace tomorrow, anyway. Do you want me to put fire ants in Luca's trousers while I'm at it?"

"Is that a serious offer?" I giggle, sniffling.

"It can be," she says solemnly. "Other options include itching powder in his laundry or bloody nightmares for a week."

"You know what? Yes. I would love it if you put fire ants in his trousers," I tell her. "Who cares if it's petty and vindictive? Do it."

"Dear one, 'petty' and 'vindictive' are just nasty words for 'harmless' and 'cathartic,'" Sadra says with a grin. "Consider it done."