Under the Willow Root

Chapter 31

"The mind is like an iceberg; it floats with one-seventh of its bulk above water."--Sigmund Freud

"Look at you!" Sadra cries when she sees me several days later. She spins me around in a circle. "I wish I could have come sooner. You look..."

"Unnoticeable?" I suggest hopefully.

"No, definitely noticeable," Sadra says, and lowers her voice. "But nothing like the thrall called Blue. Ismeni could look right at you and have no idea."

"That's good," I say with a sigh of relief. "That's really good."

"You may congratulate me," Sadra declares. "I have taken a beetle and turned her into a hummingbird."

I roll my eyes. "Congratulations."

"You need to be more excited about this," Sadra tells me sternly. "You look entirely unrecognizable--and ravishingly beautiful, if you'll allow me to reiterate that point. Our biggest worry is going to be fending off boys."

"Really?" I say shyly, peeking at myself in the mirror.

I like what I see. Instead of muted grays and blues, my dress is a vibrant plum embroidered with butterflies and flowers of a deeper shade. It's nothing fancy by the city's standards--definitely a far cry from most of Ismeni's wardrobe--but it's something a real girl would wear. Something that's flattering to me, not to my owner.

"The hair will take some getting used to," I say, fingering the end of a curl.

"Dark hair is prettier on you," Sadra admits. "But some sacrifices must be made."

"It's such a hardship," I say with a grin. "I don't know how I'll manage."

"You'll muddle through," Sadra says. She throws herself on the bed. "What are your thoughts on staying with the Temple?"

"I don't know," I say slowly. "I would love it here, I'm sure, but can I afford to make that kind of commitment right now? There's still our friends on the Terrace to worry about and my goals haven't changed. I need to try to go home. Taking a legally-binding vow to serve the Temple for twenty years doesn't seem like the best way to make that happen."

"But you'd be protected, you'd have a comfortable place to live, a bit of money...it's a good life," Sadra reminds me. "Not to mention you'd have the time and freedom you need to figure out how to get home. To my mind, that seems like the more pressing issue anyway."

"I know," I sigh. "But I'm hoping it won't take twenty years. And if that's the case, I'll end up breaking my vow--and the law--which will only complicate things."

"Well...have you thought that maybe this could be your home?" Sadra asks softly, fiddling with the blanket next to her.

"I haven't," I tell her. "Not for real. I have responsibilities at home and friends I left behind who don't know what's happened to me."

"Or people who have since come to terms with their loss," Sadra points out. "It's been more than a year. You told me yourself, you don't know what you'd be going back to."

"I don't know," I acknowledge. "But these dreams I've been having...it doesn't seem like a year has gone by. Time might pass differently there--like in Narnia. Or are we in Narnia?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Nevermind," I say. "The point is, I'm not ready to give up on going home. Not yet."

"Of course not," Sadra says with a sigh. "I'm just being a little selfish. I'm going to miss you when you go, that's all."

"Oh," I say, blinking stupidly. I frown. "I hadn't thought about it like that...leaving you behind. That doesn't feel right, either."