Under the Willow Root

Chapter 35

"In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous."--Aristotle

Luca becomes a frequent visitor at the Temple, and eventually the other girls get bored of teasing me. I always have fun with him, but I never miss my daily exercises again. The morning after our first date, I woke up in such a state of foggy confusion that Feli and Kana accused me of getting drunk again. I had to extend my sessions to nearly twice their usual length for three days before I felt normal again. Now more than ever I'm convinced that dancing has something to do with why I'm not empty and mindless like other thralls.

Sadra visits more and more often and for longer periods of time as she executes her plan to break up with Orean, but slowly. I think she's trying to make him think it was his idea though, as she points out, it carries the added benefit of distancing herself from my disappearance. Probably no one would connect the two events anyway, but it can't hurt.

Mother Wenla comes through on her promise to help me and proposes an arrangement that solves all my problems nicely. Instead of bringing me into the Temple as an initiate, Mother Wenla hires me as a sort of adjunct dance instructor. I learned enough from Sadra to teach traditional forms to the youngest initiates, and I help out in some of the intermediate lessons as an assistant. In exchange, I get free room and board and a small wage. Frankly, I get most of what I would have gotten as an initiate without taking any vows or putting up with any restrictions, which suits me just fine.

Aside from being too busy to breathe, much less socialize with boys, initiates are forbidden from marrying or bearing children during their twenty-year commitment to the Temple. Technically, boyfriends (or girlfriends) aren't forbidden, but the demanding schedules and strict curfews imposed upon initiates make maintaining relationships all but impossible.

Initiates complete their education in seven years. After that, they receive a personal talisman representing their status--I found out a while after the fact that Sadra had given me hers the night I escaped. Many "graduates," like Sadra, take lovers wherever they choose and work in the private sector while others stay on at the Temple to teach or devote themselves to further study for the remainder of their twenty year term. It's all fascinating and the idea of being a part of such an obviously close-knit community is tempting, but I just can't afford to make a twenty-year commitment.

My reluctance is puzzling to my new friends at the Temple. Alesa seems to understand, perhaps because she was there the night I arrived and saw the condition I was in. Feli and Kana, though, are very outspoken and never pass up an opportunity to list all the reasons I should stay.

"You could still see Luca," Feli wheedles as we make our way to breakfast one morning. "We'd all help. You have so much potential--and everyone is dying to learn how to dance like you. No one has seen anything like it."

"I'm happy to teach anyone who wants to learn," I say for the hundredth time. "Some things, anyway. It takes years, and I was still learning when--when my grandmother died."

"That's exactly why you have to stay," Feli cries.

"I'm not going anywhere," I protest.

"But you could," Feli says seriously, "at any moment."

I don't say anything. She's right, and my ability to leave is exactly what I can't give up.

"What's going on?" Feli asks as we come upon a group of girls huddled against the wall.

"Terrace folk," Alesa tells us. "Looking for Sadra."

My heart stops. When I can breathe again, I squirm to the front of the group and peer around the corner. Below us, in the chapel hall, I see my worst fear confirmed. Ismeni kneels, apparently praying, while Cimari speaks with Mother Wenla. I struggle to control my breath as the floor spins beneath me. I almost fear I'll pitch over the balcony and fall to my death at Cimari's feet.