Under the Willow Root

Chapter 40

"The Prince is your brother," I repeat, nonplussed. "Then you're..."

"No," he says quickly. "I'm nothing, officially. I'm a bastard. Acknowledged by my father, but nothing more. But Costi--Miocostin--he has always been my true brother. He'll help us if you just tell me what your trouble is."

"I can't," I whisper, my breath catching on tears. "You don't understand. Believe me, I wish I could tell you. But I can't."

Luca puts his arms around me and holds me for the first time. I hate that it feels so wonderful. I hate that the first time also has to be the last time. I lean into him, trying to memorize every sensation, until my tears stop.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me?" he asks, pulling away slightly so he can look down at me.

I nod. "I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't want it to be over."

"Over? I don't think it should be over," Luca says.

"Luca, I'm leaving," I say. "If we let this go on, it will only hurt more when the time comes."

"I don't care," he declares. "I'd rather be with you for a little while than not at all."

My heart leaps, but I force myself to think rationally. "Luca, I...it would be better to end this now."

"No, it wouldn't," Luca insists, pulling me closer. "It wouldn't be better at all."

"Luca, please," I whisper.

"I'm going to kiss you," he warns me, his face inches from mine. "Slap me now if you don't want me to."

I don't slap him. We spend the whole night wrapped around each other, kissing and rolling around in the hay. I wonder several times if it's going to go farther, but it doesn't. Luca doesn't seem to mind, though. Sometimes he spends whole minutes at a time just staring at my face. It should be disconcerting, but it's not. I stare right back. He has the most beautiful eyes, mossy green surrounded by thick, black lashes I'd kill for. A lock of dark hair falls across his forehead and I push it back, letting my hand slide down to rest on his cheek.

I fall asleep a few hours before dawn with my head pillowed on Luca's stomach and puppies piled on top of my legs. I wake up to Pretty Girl licking my nose. Her little tail whips back and forth furiously, making her whole body wiggle. I push her away groggily and wipe my nose clean with the back of my hand. My mouth feels strange, puffy and chapped and hot. I like it.

"Luca," I murmur, twisting around so I can shake him. "Luca, wake up."

"I'm awake," he grunts. He looks down at me and smiles. "The sun shines on you."

"And on you." I smile back. I'm exhausted and I have a terrible crick in my neck, but I've never felt better. "How late is it, do you think?"

Luca peers out the window, squinting. "Two hours after dawn?"

I groan and sit up, rubbing my eyes. "I have to get back."

"I'll walk with you," Luca says, and rolls to his feet. He takes my hands to help me up and pulls me into his arms. "I'm glad we're doing this. Are you?"

"Yes," I say honestly. "I still think it's a mistake, but yes."

"Well, we're young and daring," he says with a grin.

"Where I come from, the saying is 'young and stupid,'" I say wryly.

"I hope one day you can tell me more about where you come from," Luca says shyly.

My smile falters. "Luca..."

"I know," he sighs. "Don't worry, I'm not going to start prying."

"Thank you," I whisper. I fiddle with the collar of his shirt. "Will you come see me later?"

"Of course," he says, kissing me swiftly. "And I'll bring Pretty Girl and Kirit. We'll take them to the gardens and you can start training your new puppy."

"I don't know anything about training a puppy," I protest.

"I'll tell you what to do," he assures me. "Don't worry, it will be fun. Come on, now, you still need to clean up before your lessons."

Luca walks me back to the Temple and pulls me into a secluded nook to say goodbye. I emerge with a silly smile on my face and dash up the Temple steps, taking them two at a time. I give myself an impromptu bath a-la Feli and Kana and make it to the studio just in time.

"You look different," a five year old boy comments gravely as I greet my students.

"It's because I missed you," I say with a smile, and ruffle his hair. "Did you all have a good time with your families yesterday?"

The children all start talking at once, and it takes a few minutes to settle down again. Once everyone is in order, I signal the harp player to begin playing and we start our warm ups. I go through everything in a haze of fatigue and euphoria, a combination I've never experienced before.

The closest I've ever come was in the hospital, of all places. I had to have my appendix removed, and the doctors gave me some kind of sedative before putting me under anesthesia. One second I was sick and in pain, and the next I was floating, smiling and giggling at the doctors even though my brain was foggy and my limbs were heavy and tired.

Later that evening, Luca shows up with Kirit and Pretty Girl...and Sadra. As we walk to the gardens, I explain in a whisper about Pretty Girl and my decision to keep seeing Luca. I brace myself for a fight, but Sadra just presses her lips together and shrugs. I know it won't last long. I'll have to tell her about who Luca really is, and then it will really hit the fan.

We have such a good time in the gardens that even Sadra is won over by Pretty Girl. We're all completely smitten with her. I love her fluffy ears and her black button nose and her gangly little legs flying everywhere. So far "training" seems a lot like playing and cuddling, but Luca assures me that establishing a bond between us is the first step.

"She's a sighthound, isn't she?" Sadra asks curiously, studying Pretty Girl as she trips over herself. She seems to be all legs. "But lighter than most. Almost...dainty. An odd choice for the Prince."

"It is an odd choice," Luca agrees. "The Prince came upon the breed in the eastern plains and took a fancy to them. They're not naturally suited to hills and valleys, but they do well enough coursing for deer. Enthusiasm and loyalty can make up for a lot, and they have plenty of both."

"She's beautiful, whatever she is," I say, tossing a small stick down the path.

Pretty Girl dashes after it. Right now she's clumsy and goofy looking, but I can see a hint of what she'll grow up to be. I smile, then remember that I probably won't be here when she's grown. The knowledge sticks in my throat. I look at Luca and Sadra and the lump in my throat sinks down to my stomach, where it sits like a cold, hard lump of granite.

I push the lump down even further and force myself to smile at Luca like nothing is wrong. I'll have to leave when the time comes. I have to try to go home. I have no choice.

"I have to," I whisper, but it sounds like a question.