Forgotten

Chapter 10

  Just one more day.

  That was my plea every morning while I sat beside my sister Elizabeth's hospital bed. Within months of her cancer diagnosis her battle was headed to a tragic end. She never wanted to talk about dying, so a huge part of me refused to believe she would. Yet everyday I still asked for more time with her. Deep down I knew how it would end.

  The sister I once knew was rapidly drifting from me. After weeks of watching her own life slip away she was barely coherent. My sister, whose entire life revolved around her passion for art, couldn't even open her eyes. My sister, who loved to sing and dance, could no longer even sit up or speak.

  I began to wonder if wishing for another day was for her benefit or mine. I can't imagine she wanted to live a life where the only lucid moments were brought on by a pain so fierce she would scream when her medication wore off.

  Looking down at her sleeping face I almost thought she was peaceful. It was the slight crease in her forehead that gave away the truth with a hint of a furrowed brow. At that moment I told myself to stop wishing for another day. It just didn't seem fair to her.

 What would this world be like without her?

 I sat beside her bed watching her shallow breaths, her lungs rattling with a vengeance. She was so pale and thin, so frail.

 The time between breaths grew longer and longer. After each exhale, I counted the seconds in my mind, waiting for her to inhale.

  One... two... three...

  The sound was different...

  Eight... nine... ten...

  I told myself it couldn't be her last.

  Fifteen... sixteen... seventeen...

  The higher I counted the harder my heart pounded.

  Twenty one... twenty two... twenty three...

  My mom leaned her head against Elizabeth's hand and began to sob.

  Twenty nine... thirty... come on Elizabeth, breath. Thirty one... thirty two... don't do this to me... thirty three... I should have wished for one more day... thirty four... I'm so sorry I didn't wish for one more day... thirty five... don't leave me... please... don't... don't leave me...thirty six... Oh God, what have I done?

  As I stared down at her through my tears I realized that never again would I see her smile, hear her laugh or see her eyes sparkle when she finished a painting. There would be no more spontaneous dancing or impromptu singing in her living room. No more late nights around the campfire together listening to great stories. She would never spend another holiday with us. My future children would never know her.

How can it be?

  "Nicole!" Sorin yelled as he shook me. "It is a dream. You are okay. Nothing can hurt you here."

  I cried out hysterically as the horror of my dream sank in. She was really gone. I didn't know how to live in a world without her. She'd been there every second of my life and then she was gone! Just gone!

  As soon as I focused on Sorin I clutched onto him for dear life. My heart boomed in my chest. The images of my sister's death still fresh in my mind. I sobbed quietly as tears poured down my face.           

  "Everything is going to be fine." He assured me as he repeatedly ran his hand over my hair.

  "How? Nothing will ever be okay again." I shook my head trying to rid my mind of those awful images.