Help me I am in hell

Reality is a cruel thing

"Jeordie, what's wrong with you today? Are you too dumb to play the damn bass?"

Trent was angry again. He hates me and I'm only here because this was my own punishment. If I wasn't here I would probably slit my wrists.

"I'm sorry, Trent.", I said in a hushed tone.

"Sometimes I ask myself why I let you join my band. With you everything turns to shit."

In his anger he threw everything around and I was afraid that he would hit me one day, but he hasn't yet. He came closer to me and pushed me against the wall. There wasn't any room between us.

"Admit it. You're still a little sissy. You still want to wear dresses and have long beautiful hair, right?" Roughly, he pulled my hair until I screamed: "Stop it!"

"Why should I stop? You deserve this!" Then he tossed me to the ground and spit on me.

"I know that you cry yourself to sleep every day because you still love Brian."

I said nothing, because it was true. I didn't want to think about it, because I hated Brian as much as I love him.

"Do you want me to treat you like he did?"

What a crack-brained question, so I didn't reply. Instead, I glared at him.

"Is that supposed to be a frown? Haha. You should try harder Twiggy."

"SHUT UP! Never call me that again!", I shouted. It hurts me the most when someone calls me by my old stage name and he knew that.

"I can call you what I want. Because I'm your boss. The last one who cared for you."

I looked up to him. "You cared for me? When?"

"Don't be so ungrateful to me. Now stand up, this is pathetic."

So I did and tried to avoid looking into his eyes because I was starting to cry. Then he came and hugged me. Why must he be such a psycho? One moment he is a rude ass and then he becomes a nice friend. This man is the embodiment of falsehood.

"It's ok. I didn't want to make you cry. Everything's alright, do you hear me?"

"No. Nothing's alright. You treat me like shit and then you act like you didn't do anything. I hate this. Why can't you be normal to me?"

"Because you aren't normal.", he laughed.

"Ok. I'm gonna leave now because this is going nowhere.", I said full of hurt and left. The only place where I wanted to go was my hotel room, where I could lock myself and just cry myself to sleep like Trent said. I am pathetic. Why wasn't I able to forget Brian? Why did everyone treat me like shit? It was really late but I couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts were badgering me. One or two hours later I heard a knocking on my door. Who would it be, I thought and stood up to look who was in front of the entrance door. "Who's there?", I asked.

"Let me in." It was Trent, I recognized his voice. I sighed and opened the door.

"What do you want from me? I don't want to talk to you."

"I want to apologize."

"You know how late it is?", I asked him although I didn't know either.

There was no reply and so he let himself in. "Do you have anything to drink here?"

"Trent please leave me alone."

"You're still awake, so I know that our little conversation was bothering you. You declined the last time. You couldn't control your instrument the last time. You're always stubborn like a child and won't do what I say. I really don't know what I should do with you."

"Okay. I know this! Leave me alone!"

"That's what I'm talking about. You behave like a stupid little teenager. This must be the reason why Brain doesn't like you anymore. Look at Skold. What a badass guy he is. A man. He doesn't dress up like a little girl like you. And his face is so pretty. Have you ever looked into a mirror?"

"Do you think this is funny?" My heart was aching and he only came here to insult me. Tears were burning on my cheek and I wanted to kill him. But I couldn't because he was right. I just can't handle the truth. Anyway it's not nice to visit someone in the night only to say things like this. All I wanted was to get away from him, but where should I go?

And now his other side was here. Like a split personality. With a handkerchief, which he had in his pocket, he wiped away my tears. "Stop crying. At least you don't paint your face anymore. This would be a real mess. And I'm glad you cut your hair. I want to make mine shorter too."

"Why? It's already short. I like you with long hair the best." I looked at him. He really has changed. In the old days he had also wore make-up and he had long hair. But now. Sure, he is still beautiful, but in a different way. I can't understand why he was so mean to me, when he was almost the same when he was younger.

"Oh god, you really must mature, Jeordie. Or you will be Twiggy for ever...Twiggy, that name suit you so much. You are such a clown."

"I told you to stop calling me that."

"Why should I? It's your name. I'm sure that on this planet more humans know you with this name than with Jeordie, right? And you gave yourself that name. You introduced yourself to me with this name."

"That's not the name on my passport. I am Jeordie."

"Ok, then behave like one. Stop crying like a little girl. And do your stuff right or you will have to deal with the consequences in the future with me."

"I understand, but please back off!"

"I will not go anywhere. I will stay. You made me angry and I want you to respect me like I deserve. Kneel down, Jeordie."

"WHAT?!" He gripped my T-Shirt and pulled me close to his head.

"I said kneel down!" Then he threw me to the ground. I did what he ordered and kneeled in front of him.

"Did Manson do the same with you?"

Full of confusion I looked up at him. "What?"

"You did the same for him,am I right?"

"That's none of your business!"

"Oh it is. He was your boss. Now I am. So do the same for me as you did for him."

With anger I stood up. "What are you talking about? He was my friend!"

This was too much for him, so he started to beat me. I was writhing in pain on the floor and cried.

"You owe me so much, Jeordie. And if you don't want to give it to me by choice, I will take what I deserve. Do I make myself clear?"

There was no answer of his stupid question. He acted like he owned me. My body and my soul. I was laying on the floor, still crying. Then I heard his footsteps as he left me. I was glad that it was over. If I can't figure out what to do in my life this will only get worse.

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Yes a cruel story. And believe me it will become worse. :P

Thanks for reading. :)