To Protect My Honor

Epilogue

Five weeks later, I was back on the shores of Walloon Lake, where it all started. It was August 9, 2017: nearly two years had passed since I met Victoria, over one year since our first falling out, and more than one month since the story ended. The summer continued from there; glad to have the situation over, my life could go on. I was to resume classes three weeks later, going back to the same institution for the first time in three years.

Late that morning, I walked around a swath of the lakeshore. I felt calm, an incredible calm. My anxiety was virtually nonexistent at the moment. Anyone could see why, given the location I was in.

No plans had been made for the day. It was just another calm day in northern Michigan, not unlike the day Victoria and I had met two years earlier. But not as hot, not nearly as hot.

I returned to the house and walked in. Nancy greeted me in the front room.

"Good morning," I said. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did. Up late last night, that's why I didn't wake up until now."

It was a quarter to noon.

"Why?"

"Talking to my friend in California," she said.

"You have another California friend?"

"I never told you about Jenna? Yeah, she's been my friend since seventh grade."

We sat down for lunch, and I enjoyed the chopped salad that Sarah had made. Lewis was now seventeen and Peter fifteen; I had not seen them since my last visit. I liked sitting around their table. Ivan has a nice family, and I am glad he is such a good friend of my dad, as I wouldn't have known him otherwise.

Sarah brought out some strawberries and whipped cream for dessert, but I was too full. I excused myself to go to my room and read the book I had just started.

Ivan had told me the previous day that during this visit, I seemed much more mature than just two years earlier. I guess I really had changed. But life's like that. You learn things as you go along.

After about 25 pages, I went back to have some leftover strawberries.

I had come to the conclusion that Victoria had barely thought of me since our falling out, and now I could say that I barely thought of her. If she didn't want to pay me attention, why should I pay her attention? 

I didn't hate her either. I had no reason to hate her, nor any reason to care that much. It was over. What could I say?

I guess that I could say that I had an abnormal amount of thoughts about her that day. But that was just compounded by being in the only place in which we had ever seen each other. None of my thoughts, however, were devious. They were simply reminiscent. And they went back down shortly after I returned to Pasadena.

Nancy, Peter, Lewis, and I went for a swim that afternoon. I was very happy that day, not just because of what was not happening, but because of what was happening. And I knew that while I had struggled through much in life, it wasn't all bad. There were things I enjoyed, and things I was proud of. I just didn't always realize it.

At three-thirty, we walked back to the house. Nancy and I went to our rooms to change out of our swimwear, and I almost dozed off once dressed again.

But I didn't. I went to the main room and waited for Nancy to come out so we could talk more. Once she did, she told me, "This has been quite a day."

"Some days are like that," I said as she sat down.

"Yeah."

"So, uh, are you glad I came?"