Handle With Clare

Chapter 37: Before Time Runs Out

Song for the start of the chapter!

I looked at the gray sky and smiled, feeling joy that this was a nice fall day. Some people that came to this city hated the gray, making them depressed. A lot of the doctors at the hospital that weren't originally from here hated the gray in the fall and winter. But for me, I loved it; it was home. In the summer, gray meant cooler summers, in the winter, gray meant hot chocolate days by the fireplace. It was funny how one thing could make someone so happy but others so sad. I felt that way as I stood on the sidelines watching Farrah's soccer practice at the high school.

Sometimes I forgot how much anxiety this place caused me before I became homeschooled. Now that I had completely separated myself from most people here, I enjoyed coming, making guest appearances when convenient. I enjoy going to the games and meets that the school held because, now I knew hardly anyone. I allowed the sea of people to engulf me, enjoying the fact that few knew me and my struggles..

"Hey, don't you have to go?" Farrah asked as she ran up to me. She smelt like eggs and sweat from a mile away. I had to hold a slight gag back as she closed the gap between us. Even though it was cool, she was still working up quite a sweat that smelt terrible.

"You texted mom about a sweater," I said as I handed the lump of gray cloth in my hands out to her, not understanding why she needed it but I didn't question her. Sometimes it was best not to egg her on, if I did, I would be here all afternoon with a long-winded conversation on why it was important.

"Oh yeah! I forgot about that! Thanks." she said and took the sweater from me and dropped it on the bench that was closest to her as if not that important anymore.

Angry flared up in me for a second, knowing that we went out of our way to deliver this to her, but she didn't seem to need it. "And why do you need that if you are working up a sweat?" I asked her, as if I couldn't resist myself in knowing why.

"I'm going to hang out with friends after practice. A team party, but I needed this in case it gets colder," she told me as her friends called her back to the team. She looked at them and held a finger out to them, showing that they had to wait. "I'll get home late, but I'm expecting you to text me about what you find out at your doctor's appointment. Speaking of which, I think you should get going."

I resisted the urge to make a sour face as I looked at the time on my phone. She was right; I had to get to the hospital for the checkup. If I didn't leave now, I would probably be late and I knew how Doctor Patel got when I was late. I didn't want to do that to him after he had done so much for me.

But did I want to go through with this appointment? No. I wanted to be here, feel normal, just for a minute longer, if possible. I didn't want to know about my health; I didn't want to be reminded that I still have cancer or that I would have to go to California soon. I wanted to watch Farrah play with her team with a smile on her face, as if she didn't have a care in the world.

"Yeah, you're right. I have to go, I'll see you later." I waved to her and walked off, but stopped to say, "oh and by the way, your sidekick is killer."

She smiled at me brightly, accepting the compliment. "Go, before you're late, Clare!" she giggle as she shooed me off with her hands.

I smiled then walked off to get to the car where mom was already waiting for me. I pulled my light coat closer to my small frame as I walked as quick as I could in attempts to keep myself warm.

For some reason, I had gained no weight even though I was eating more and that fact alone was concerning. I wore looser things so mom and dad wouldn't notice as much as I did in the bathroom mirror. But with winter fast approaching, I felt like the cold weather would be the death of me if this cancer didn't kill me first.