Love Knows No Bounds

Chapter Seven

I didn't want to go back to Aunt Lisa's place after practice.  I didn't want to go anywhere actually.  All I really want is to talk to my dad and tell him everything that is happening.  But I can't do that.  I could call him and hope he doesn't figure out that something is terribly wrong.  I probably should skype him before all my hair falls out and I start looking sick.

"What do you want for dinner?"  Uncle Richard seemed to know i was going to a dark place as I stared out the car window.  My thoughts were destructive in nature and he knew that I couldn't let them consume me.

"What happens if I don't wake up from the surgery?"  I ask him as we turn into his neighborhood.  "What if something goes wrong and I die on the table?  What would happen then?"  

"Are you worried that will happen?"  Uncle Richard pulls over and parks in the lot by the local park.  

"I'm worried that they'll have to take more of my leg and I won't ever be able to walk again.  I'm worried that I'm making the wrong decision and my dad won't ever get to see me again."  I blink away the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks.  "I'm worried that Tessa and Bobbie won't remember me when they get older."  I start sobbing.

"Why haven't you told us this?" My uncle seemed concerned that I was keeping my emotions bottled up.

"Because, I'm supposed to be the strong one."  

I needed to be the strong one for everyone around me.  I didn't want anyone to pity me or for them to just remember me as a kid with cancer.  I wanted there to be a lasting legacy that didn't revolve around my death or how much potential I could have had if I hadn't died.

"You can be weak."  Uncle Richard assures me.  "You don't have to be strong, Kailey.  You've just been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  You have a right to be scared of what's about to happen."

"I'm not scared of dying."  I whisper as I wipe away my tears.  "No matter how this plays out whether I die Tuesday or a couple months down the road, I'm still going to die.  I just don't want to make everyone suffer because of it."

"Kailey," He couldn't find the words to comfort me.  Instead he gets out of the car and comes over to open my door.  "Come here."  He opens his arms and pulls me into them.  I cry into his shoulder as he picks me up. 

"Don't keep your feelings from us.  We are supposed to be here for you not the other way around."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Food didn't appeal to me as I sat watching my cousins devour their dinner.  I didn't have the will to be strong right now.  Instead, I want to be weak and let everyone else do the battling for me.  

"Not hungry?"  Aunt Lisa asks as concern colors her words.  I shake my head as I move to leave the table.

"I'm going to bed."  I inform my aunt and uncle as I limp towards the stairs.  I slowly make my way to the second floor.  Pain shoots through my knee making black spots dance across my vision.  I wanted to pass out and not wake up to fight another day.  But I keep walking knowing I couldn't give up just yet.

The guest bedroom is dark as I close the door behind me.  I flip on the light switch as tears actually start falling down my cheeks.  

I lean against the door and slide to the ground as my strength gives way.  Pain floods my body making me wish I was back in the hospital.  The drugs would numb the pain and I could sleep until the moment they take my leg. 

"Kailey?"  Aunt Lisa knocks from the other side of the door.  I don't move or respond to her knocks.  "Kailey, please open the door?"  I try to move away from the wall but the pain in my knee causes me to cry out in pain at every movement.