i'm ready to be happy

I miss you best friend

10:13 am
8/17/17
(during Health class because the class is hella boring rn and I'm sad now)

you're probably wondering why I never see you anymore
or, maybe that's just me hoping you do
though I wouldn't be surprised if you don't

well, let me start by saying that I miss you
of course I fucking miss you
you're my best friend
were?
but every time I think of seeing you
talking to you
facing you
I just get sad because
what if you don't miss me?
what if my distress becomes true?
those years worth everything
I'd be left behind
cut off?
swept under the rug

I'm scared
that if I see you I'll unplug
that I'll cry just thinking that I haven't been
the best friend that I should be?
that I've been doing so much wrong
maybe you should leave me
don't leave me

cry jut because of the thought that I haven't been fine
but you have
I'm not wanted as much as I want you back
that you're better off without me

do you remember when I told you
the time i thought what it'd be like if you died?
how I felt such despair
the empty
is this our version of death?
the death of friendship?

I haven't seen you
will I see you?
I haven't seen you and I miss you
even if you don't miss me
okay

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you in person
face to face
I'm cowardly just thinking
I thought I could but
I can't?
but I wanted you to know
and I hope that
maybe