When Will I Be Enough?

KABANATA 1 : Sulyap

" I just can't believe that you are mine now , Cause you were just a dream that I once knew I'd never thought I would be right for you I just can't compare you with anything in this world you're all I need to be here and Forevermore". (Forevermore )

Kung meron mang salita ang higit pa sa kaligayahan yun maari ang pakiramdam ko habang unti unting nararating ang altar ng simbahan

Seems like I was brought by the wind into the most beautiful place no one had ever reached before

Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala,

I 'll be waking up tomorrow with the man I've been dreaming to be with in my whole life .

The man who was as high as the sky before will now give his vow to the woman who was as low as beneath of the ocean.

Dahil sa sobrang ligayang naramdaman ko nang panahong iyon
Inakala ko, everything will be as easy as saying "We will be together forever for better or for worst"

But words won't be enough sabi nga nila

Is saying "I do " to the one you loved means also saying" I do " to painful things that might happen ?

I loved this man , and he knows it

At Hindi na yun kailangang itanong pa

Ang tanong won't be about the love I have

mapagmahal ang taong pinangakuan ko nang paglalaanan ng buong buhay ko

You know what part hurts

The one he loves will never be ME

" Tama ka ! Sa papel mo lang ako asawa dahil kahit kailan Hindi ako nagkaroon ng papel bilang asawa mo"

" Sinabi ko bang mahalin mo ako ?"

" Sana nga nasasabi lang yun no...para kung ayaw mo na sasabihin mo lang din itigil ko na, at titigil na rin"

" Please set me free...Let me get out from this...NIGHTMARE!

He shouted

" Don't ask me to stop loving you because you'd never heard me asked you to love me back....kung minahal man kita desisyon ko yun at wala kang karapatang pigilan yun di ko yun utang sayo ........

....and if this relationship is a nightmare to you,

Well forgive me but it's only just the most beautiful nightmare I'd ever had"

Am I not enough to you Mike?"

He answered nothing

I can't stop my tears from falling

And sikip ng dibdib ko

I can't hardly breathe

" Stop loving me ....stop everything you're thinking na maari pa nating buuin because at the first place ikaw lang naman ang nagiisip na may patutunguhan pa ang relasyon nato .....Set me free ! ?"

Walang salitang gustong lumabas sa bibig ko

" I......I'm sorry"

Parang nabuhayan ako bigla dahil sa sinabi niya

He gently hold my face

Yayakapin ko na sana siya ng bigla niyang sambiting

" You don't have to set me free now,If you don't want to, Coz I'll be the one to let you go"

I wanna shout and cry out loud

I wanna slap him
I wanna push him out of the door
I wanna drop him on the window
I want him out of my sight

But I can't

My mind wants to

but my heart was not as brave as my mind to let him go......

Those conversations remind me how much I've been insane just for the man I really loved

The vows he gave me were just memorized words they were never realized

....and will never be

Those were just memories right now

I wake up alone

And I think I was brought by the wind again to the worst place no one had ever reached before

... At kung may salita mang higit pa sa sakit yun maari ang nararamdaman ko ngayon

I kept our wedding pictures under my bed
Wipe my tears

Trying to be positive

I looked at the mirror
The happiest woman 4 years ago is now left broken , alone but still fighting......

This is me Hannah Stephanie Mendez Del Carmen and now Trying to get away from being a Del Carmen

Why do people love?

Why do loved people don't give back?

Is letting go the bravest thing a person could ever do?

Is there room for vengeance?

" Kailan mo ba masasabing sapat ka na para sa isang tao?"

This is my story to tell ..............

"I let you go I let you fly why do I keep on asking why" ( Broken vow)