Eleanor Snape- Book 5, Part 2

Help

"Eleanor, stop!" The door fell down, and the three rushed in. I took a deep breath, trhing ti push the shard deeper into my neck. My hands were shaking, and I was having trouble pulling it across my neck.

If I was so strong, why couldn't I do this?

"Elle!" Narcissa squealed. I could hear her trying to hold back cried.

"Shh... Don't shout at her." Healer Phillips pushed them back and slowly walked over to me. I stood where I was, eyes closed, with the piece of mirror still held to my neck. "Eleanor. 'He quietly said. He dropped the formal 'Mrs. Malfoy' he usually used. "Will you please give me that?" Something in his voice urged me to answer him without even thinking.

"I...no..." I closed my eyes even tighter. I wanted to do this. I really did....I wanted to see them again. I let out a sob.

"Eleanor, please listen to me. Give me the glass."

"Shut up!" I snapped. "I want to die! I've told you that! I've told all of you!" 

"And why would you want to do that?"  He kept his tone level. I bit my lip. I could feel blood dripping down onto my shoulder. "Eleanor?"

"I...I want to see my family...I...." I pressed the shard in harder.

"Take it away from her!" Lucius shouted. I winced and pulled across another cenimeter.

"Shhh!" Healer Phillips shushed him, then turned back to me. "I know you miss them a lot, and you want to see them, but think about who you would be leaving behind if you did this? Draco would be devistated. So would you're group. Ivy told you that she admires you. How would she feel if you killed yourself? How would you're group feel? Gilderoy has made such an improvement since you're friendship. And Narcissa and Lucius, you've never had you're parents, but they've never had a daughter. You've given them that. Do you want to take that away?"

"I..." 

Would I really make that many people upset? My options were starting to balance out. I had a family here now, too. I could leave them and see my real family, or stay here with my, well...other real family. 

The confusion gripped me harder, and it got more difficul to breath. 

You can end it all!

My brain screamed.

"Shut up!" 

"I'm sorry." He lowered his voice. 

"Not you!" I cried out. "I just..I..." 

I didn't know what. I was so confused. I had two options, that now both had a pro and a con. It was hard enough to do when I thought I wasn't leaving anything behind. But now...

"Listen to me, Eleanor. Will you please give me the glass? You're upset, and I want to help you. I will help you, I just need you to give it to me. Me taking it away and forcing me to help you won't help. You have to decide you want it. Think about who would miss you."

"I'll just lose them like I've lost everyone else! Everyone I love dies and leave me here!" 

"What happened is over with. And they're waiting for you, but they also would not want you to end your life early for them. They would want you to live a long, happy life and then join them." 

"I can't have a happy life!" 

"Yes you can! You just have to come with terms that you need help, and you have to ask for it. We can't help you until you decide to help yourself. Please, Eleanor. Give me the glass."

"I..." 

It suddenly all became too much. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I could't bring myself to do anything. I dropped the shard, and it bounced on the ground twice before becoming stationary. I fell to the ground and covered my face, sobbing. The world felt like it was spinning, and I was dizzy. My thoughs raced around me in a frantic haze. 

Lucius waved his wand, and all the broken glass gently floated and landed into the trashcan. My parents tried to rush fowards to me, but Healer Phillips stopped them again with a wave of his hand. He dropped down to his knees next to me. 

"There we go. You're going to get help, okay? Do you want help?"

I uncovered my face and looked up at him. With all the craziness swimming in my mind, that what I needed .I didn't know how they were going to help me now, but I needed it. I was beyond help, but I needed it... As much as I wanted to, I couldn't do this one my own. 

I nodded my head yes. 

"Good, good. We need to take you down the hall, okay? And get you all patched up. Is that okay?" His tone hadn't changed from when he first started talking to me. I stared at him a moment,  then nodded my head yes.

Pick it up! Pick it back up! You can do it! You can end it!

"Stop!" I screamed, then laid on my side and covered my ears. I just wanted the voice to stop. That's the first thing I wanted. It needed to go away. 

"What is it, Eleanor?" Healer Phillips calmly questioned. I didn't really want to tell him, it would just make me seem crazier than i was, but maybe he could help it go away. It could make my confusion go away.

"I...make it stop..." I cried.

"Make what stop?"

"It..."

"What is 'it'?" 

"I... I don't know... I keeps telling me to do it... I.... I just want it to stop!" I recovered my face and broke into another sobbing fit. He leaned forward.

"May I touch you?" He questioned. 

"Y-ye..." I couldn't get it out. 

"I'm going to help you up, okay? We're going to go down the hall, and then I'm going to help you calm down and patch you up. How does that sound?"

"Uh-huh..." I uncovered my face again and looked at his tear-blurred face. 

"Good." He took my arms and helped me up. Before I really knew what I was doing, I grabbed onto him and pressed my face into his shoulder and sobbed. He didn't push me off, but let me cry and grip onto him. 

After ten minutes or so, I still felt like crying, but I had ran out of tears. I finally let go of him, and he touched my upper arm. 

"We're going to go down the hall now, okay?" 

"Oh-okay..." I turned. Lucius and Narcissa were still standing at the doorway of the bathroom. Narcissa's eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed from crying, and Lucius was pale. 

"Can we go?" Lucius asked. Healer Phillips shook his head no.

"I'm sorry, we don't allow people in there. It's Hospital Policy. But you may come in tonight when she goes to bed. " 

"Oh, okay..." He sounded heartbroken. 

As we walked past them, I reached for him. He took my hand for a moment, then pulled me in. He hugged me for a couple seconds, but I pushed away. It had made me feel confined, and it was hard enough to breath as it was. So I went back to Healer Phillips, and he lead me through my room and towards the door. I stopped halwayf there.

"Wait..." I quietly said. He turned to me.

"Yes?"

"Can... can I have Melvin?" 

"Of course." Narcissa, who was coming out of the bathroom with her husband, nodded. She waved her wand, and the dragon floated over from the shelf he had been pushed onto into my hands. I hugged him and turned back to Healer Phillips. 

"Let's go." He opened my door. I followed him out, gripping Melvin to my chest. My cheeks were still wet from crying.

You can end it!

My head screamed again. I frantically shook my head.

"Shut up..." I mumbled.

"Pardon?" Healer Phillips asked. I shook my head a couple more times.

"N-nothing..." I trailed off, then shook my head a few more times. 

It was okay, Or it wasn't. I didn't know. I was in a sea of confusion, but Healer Phillips was going to help me, and I wanted help. I hadn't the sadness, anxiety, and confusion to go away. 

I wanted to be better.