Friends, Secrets and Love...?[ON HOLD]

"Oh how little they knew."

Okay guys this is my new story. Please, it is not all happy and bright and tra-la-la, all rainbows and unicorns all the time. As much as I love that kind of stuff. It does have swearing, in some places it could get quite bad, and it does involve self harm. So if you aren’t comfortable with that sort of stuff please, don’t read it.

Otherwise read on, vote and comment. Let me know what you think, I am open to opinions as long as you aren’t rude or mean. I was brought up believing in the saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Oh and before I forget I want to dedicate this first chapter to @LouisYouHottie, you are thee bestest friend a girl could ask for! I love you too much, our friendship is going on how many years now? I just wanted to say thank you for always being there for me. (P.S: you should go fan her because she is amazing and her story is awesome.)

So with that, onward with your reading.

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 I feel...empty...

All I want is him...And he doesn't even know I exist...Well sometimes he does, and those times I’m on top of the world...even though I babble like an idiot, well at least inside my head I do.

Last week I saw him and this ‘slut’ of a girl all over each other...I don't remember much else though because as soon as I saw it tears blurred my vision and I ran away...

Like the coward I am.

It breaks my heart a little more each time I see him with a different girl, but I still like him...I can't help it!

It's not my fault! I can't help that I fell for him, but I’m petrified...I have so many feelings for him but I’m too scared to tell him...

The thing is though, when I first saw him…When I first looked him in the eye...yeah I knew from then I was screwed from then, he had my heart. It's a scary thought, but I knew I had to admit it sooner or later...I just wish he knew...

My hand ached from writing so I put my pen inside my diary and slipped them both under my mattress. Yes, I’m 18 and I still keep a diary. But even though I hadn't said any of it out loud, I knew it was true. I felt the tears sting my eyes and quickly sorted myself out. I could not be seen a crying mess, no, I was bubbly, always smiling, Jade.

Oh, how little everyone knew…

I looked myself over one last time and thought to myself, "you look gorgeous". I was dressed in a tight, emerald green, dress and silver stilettos with matching silver jewellery. After one final look I walked out my bedroom and closed the door.

I walked down the main flight of stairs to meet a smiling, good looking guy at the bottom.

"Hey Justin, how are you?" I said sweetly, giving him a hug.

I watched as he looked me up and down slowly, and saw a smile curl his lips, "Hey Jade, you're looking as gorgeous as ever" he leaned over giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I sighed inwardly and mentally prepared myself for what was to come of this date...we would go to dinner and have a good time, I’d laugh at his jokes and flirt back, holding his hand in the car, then he'd drop me off and kiss me goodnight and I would pretend that it had meant more than it actually did...This kind of thing happened a lot, and it was not because I just dated so many guys. It was because of him that I didn't enjoy dates as much anymore. It was his fault that I couldn’t just be happy with anyone.