08/05/2012
AKA, A Diatribe Against Hipsters.
**I was sitting outside a place called The Cornmarket in the city for a few hours the other day just writing down pretty much everything that came into my head. Plus, I know it's slightly OCD, but I time every single entry I make.
12:40
The sun's shining today so of course the hipsters are out in force. The absolute staaaaaate of them.
12:45
I wish I could read lips. I'd use it to blackmail people.
12:47
I see a hipster in tracksuit pants. What is going on? Society is unravelling.
12:50
It's intimidating going into North Face because the entrance is reminiscent of that of a Georgian manor. You feel like you should be dressed in corsets and finery with a servant to carry your bags.
Which is ironic because it's North Face. They have a pile of neon-coloured canoes stacked outside, for god's sake.
13:00
People are staring at me because I'm sitting outside the Cornmarket on my own with my iPod, writing in my diary, with black hair and fingerless gloves and they think I'm an emo. W/E. At least I'm not wearing orange pants like SOME people.
13:06
Sunglasses mean I can stare at hot-hipster-boy-in-tracksuit-pants without he or his girlfriend noticing. I win at life.
Omg. She just took off her pants to reveal a SECOND pair of pants underneath. WHAT IS HAPPENING.
13:08
I've been looking around for about a minute; I think people think I'm writing inane poetry about crap nature. Maybe I could write poetry about hipsters. They're both inane AND crap. I could pretend I was being ironic; they'd love it until they met someone else who did too and then it would become kitsch and people would use it for its original purpose: making fun of hipsters.
Ode To a Hipster
Perfectly coiffed hair and
skinny jeans with a post-ironic
t-shirt, although
you don't know what "post-ironic" means
(it's okay; neither do I).
That band you liked for fi5ve minutes
got another fan
FYL.
Smoke another clove cigarette and
you'll feel better.
13:15
MORE ORANGE PANTS.
I can't deal with this.
13:17
Fucking bra strap GET OUT OF MY WAY.
Now I know how every boy has ever felt, ever.*
13:21
Hipster Boy and his girlfrind are leaving. And taking my inspiration with them. Goshdarnit.
13:25
I heard on the radio this morning about a dentist who surgically removed her ex's teeth, all of them, as revenge. She said, 'I tried to be professional, but I saw him lying there and I thought, "You bastard".' I think she should get some sort of medal or award.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
*I couldn't get comfortable leaning against the wall because my bra strap was digging into my back.
YOU ARE READING
Honest To Blog: My Misadventures
General FictionNot a story, just me ranting and raving really. Not expecting you all to read this or anything, though I can guarantee humour and alarming self-righteousness.
