Honest To Blog: My Misadventures

31/05/2012

Things I've done in my life that Leviticus forbids:

1) I kissed a girl, and I liked it.

Actually, I've kissed lots of girls.

2) I got a tattoo.

AND I'M GOING TO GET ANOTHER. Take that.

3) I ate mussels, which are shellfish (before I became a vegetarian).

Shellfish are evil.

4) I've never burned a bull on an alter to please the Lord with its odour.

I'm a bad person.

5) I've never sold anyone into slavery.

I should get on that.

6) I rarely do any work, but sometimes when I do work, I work on Sundays.

I should be put to death for it, though.

7) I have really bad eyesight, and when I was little I regulary had bad eyesight while I was in a church.

IT IS FORBIDDEN.

8) I've worn polyester. 

Clearly, I should be stoned by my contemporaries.

9) Sometiems I hang around dudes when I'm on my mensies. 

That means that not only am I unclean, I'm making them unclean also.

10) I once had a bob.

And I rocked it, whatever God supposedly says about not "rounding off the side-growth of my heads".