Things I've done in my life that Leviticus forbids:
1) I kissed a girl, and I liked it.
Actually, I've kissed lots of girls.
2) I got a tattoo.
AND I'M GOING TO GET ANOTHER. Take that.
3) I ate mussels, which are shellfish (before I became a vegetarian).
Shellfish are evil.
4) I've never burned a bull on an alter to please the Lord with its odour.
I'm a bad person.
5) I've never sold anyone into slavery.
I should get on that.
6) I rarely do any work, but sometimes when I do work, I work on Sundays.
I should be put to death for it, though.
7) I have really bad eyesight, and when I was little I regulary had bad eyesight while I was in a church.
IT IS FORBIDDEN.
8) I've worn polyester.
Clearly, I should be stoned by my contemporaries.
9) Sometiems I hang around dudes when I'm on my mensies.
That means that not only am I unclean, I'm making them unclean also.
10) I once had a bob.
And I rocked it, whatever God supposedly says about not "rounding off the side-growth of my heads".