Anything But Perfection

Hold On (22)

It had been a week since Georgina's episode.

She seemed better now her bruises slowly healing as they turned yellow. She went out for a run in every morning and for walks in the evenings and sometimes even at nights. She didn't make much conversation and I could see that Jeremy was struggling, he wanted to talk to her, but he was also scared to push her. For her sake, both of us tried to be as normal as we could. We still slept in separate rooms but she went up to her room early and we stayed up pretending to be spending time together watching television until she was gone. I knew it was risky and Jeremy mentioned it once too.

"We should sleep in the same room at least. It won't be long before she notices," he had said looking at me with that intense gaze of his. The one which made it seem like he was looking straight through my soul, like he knew all of my insecurities and deepest secrets, which he probably did I guess. 

He knew me better than I knew myself. I used to think I knew him too but I guess I was wrong. I said no, straight and simple, trying to sound as firm as I could. He didn't protest but I could see that he felt a little irritated.

There would be times all I wanted to do was hug him and tell me I forgive him for what he had done. But other times I felt revolted and broken and I couldn't bear to look at him. Least to say that my feelings were conflicting.

Sometimes when I was going to bed I would hear Georgina crying in her room. I never went inside because I knew she didn't want me there. I knew how she felt.

 The pain of loving someone who doesn't love you back is unbearable. It eats you up from the inside. It's like a slow fire starting in the middle of your chest, slowly it spreads all your body intensifying to an extent that you think you might just die. You feel lost in your own mind and body. It's like your own mind is a prison and you know you can't do anything about it. You can't make anyone love you the way you want them to. People are who they are and we can never change them no matter how much we want to.

It was kind of ironic that both of us had been hurt badly by the men we loved. Joshua, that was her boyfriend's name, she claimed had anger issues. Jeremy thought he might be an alcoholic or a drug addict but she promised he wasn't. I think somewhere deep down she thought he loved her. Or at least she hoped he did.

"Hey what are you doing up so late?"

Georgina's voice startled me so much I dropped my glass of whiskey. There came the sound of a small crash as the glass broke. It was 2 am in the morning and I had been sitting in one of the stools on the kitchen drinking a glass of whiskey. And I didn't even drink that much until recently. It was pathetic.

 Georgina had gone to bed pretty early tonight saying she had a headache and Jeremy had retired soon after. I had tried sleeping but I kept tossing and turning in my bed, the sleep refusing to come to me with thoughts running all around my head so I decided to get myself a drink. I normally didn't drink but  lately I felt uneasy and wanted to release some of the stress.

"Uh-nothing. I just couldn't sleep," I managed to reply, my voice a little hoarse. I cleared my throat and looked at her. "Why are you up?" I started picking up the pieces of glass off from the ground.

"Same. Couldn't sleep either. Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." She sat down next to me, pouring herself a glass of whiskey too. I threw away the broken glass and sat back down.

"It's okay. I wasn't paying attention," I tried to smile at her but I'm not sure it came out the way I intended it to. She had dark circles under her eyes. She was quiet for a while. I didn't know what to say so I got myself another glass. This would be my third glass of whiskey of the night.