Face Down (I've Had Enough)

Six

Six

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
          Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
          Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's gon' to end
          as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found

  

She avoids me even more now. When I cross her path she practically runs away and I hate this feeling. She almost looks scared of me. It's okay if she doesn't see me as a friend. I mean, it hurts, but I can't force her to love me. I would never want her to do something she doesn't want to do. If she sees me only as a friend it's okay, but she doesn't need to flee every time she sees me. It doesn't make sense.

And the worst part is that she's still with that idiot. All what I told her, all her tears and nightmares won't tear them apart. I honestly don't know what else to do.

I know there are many things I don't know of their relationship. Maybe he keeps her sexually satisfied, maybe he has his sweet moments, maybe he makes her smile; but are those moments worth it if he abuses her this way? If he can't stand someone else lying an eye on her? If he hits her because he can't control his rage? If he isolates her? Are those good things worth all the damage?

The night I lectured her and confessed but she ran away I couldn't sleep, so instead I wrote a song. With the band we've been practicing it and I'm quite proud of it. Of course it talks about a girl in a trapped in an abusive relationship and a guy who loves her but can't have her because she doesn't leave her boyfriend. Of course it's a song about her.

There are many ways to channel your rage and frustration, writing music is a great one and playing it is even better. The power and energy flowing from the guitar like water in a river, cleansing on its way it's one of the most sublime experiences. Once I finish playing I always feel lighter and being able to sing as well, to let all this words come out, to shout with the anger burning in the pit of my soul is even better. That's liberating to say the least.

She doesn't listen, she doesn't want to change her situation but I still can scream the words in a powerful rock song. My band mates say it's my best song so far but they don't know what inspired it. Who inspired it.

But I don't only sing to her, I also sing to that idiot. I shout at him for being what he is. How can he treat like that a girl like her? She's a treasure and he doesn't realise it. She's like that beautiful endangered creature, unfortunate enough to have been captured by a tyrant. And that's all she knows and she’s afraid of what’s outside because she doesn't know better. He's killing the creature slowly and painfully, he sees her perish a little bit every day and does nothing about it. So I shout at him for allowing someone like her be miserable when all what she should know is happiness and real love.

Richie, our manager and Derek's brother, comes to see us before we go on stage tonight. He also thinks this song, Withering, is my best song and that it will get us the deal with the label we all dream of.

"Okay, lads. I've managed to convince an agent from a label. Nothing big, it's a small one but it's something."

We all gasp in surprise and look at each other. None of us knew Richie was working on getting some agent to see us playing tonight.

"So you better blow them away," he continues and we all shout a yeah in agreement. "I know you're still jus practicing Withering but I honestly think you have to play it tonight. Take a chance. The crowd will love it and it's the best we have."

My band mates look at me. I'm the author of the song and I'm normally very perfectionist. I don't like showing a song until I'm sure it's perfect.

Does Withering feel perfect? No, it still doesn't and we're practicing it. We still get some parts wrong but it's true it's our best song right now. At least everyone seems to agree on that.

"Okay," I agree hoping it's the right decision. I don't want to miss this chance.

So before we go on stage for today's performance we practice the song one more time, only for us. In my mind I keep her picture. I see her bruised face and that ignites the fire in my soul that I put in that song. 

We finally go on stage after the usual introduction that Arnold, owner of the bar, gives us. He's honestly our godfather, someone who does not only let us play every night but also who gives us jobs so we don't end up homeless.

We have a setlist of three songs, so we leave Withering for the end. We start with known songs that this audience loves. We know our little crowd here.

"This is a new song and we hope you like it," I speak in front I the microphone, presenting our last song in the small setlist. In that moment I see her, hidden in the shadows of a corner but clearly watching us. "This is Withering," I finish and with that Derek makes the countdown and I hit the first chord.

My eyes are always on her, I'm singing to her, trying one more time to make her change her mind. I see her expression, the realisation hitting her and the shock when the song is over. It's only then when I realise we performed it flawlessly which puts a smile on my lips. It's the first time I look away from her, taking in the crowd that looks exhilarated; cheering and asking for more. I see my band mates grinning like crazy and the agent with a satisfied expression. The last face I see is her boyfriend's. I don't know why he's here so early, he never comes unless he wants to pick her up. And this time he's watching me with red rage in his eyes, clenched fists and tight jaw. He looks like a tiger ready to jump on its prey. And I'm his prey, I know it.

I smirk so he doesn't have a doubt he's the idiot my song talks about. I challenge him and I know it's stupid what I'm doing but I couldn't care less by this point. I'm fed up.

And that's the moment he sprints forward, pushing everyone aside as he makes his way to the stage with bloodthirsty hurry.

Bring it on.  Show me the man you are after you've hit her God knows how many times. Come on. 

-:-:-

I didn't update yesterday because there was a storng earthquake in Chile so I was just watching the news. Thank you for your concern (those who have asked about it). Keep my country in your thoughts.

Bel, xx