Face Down (I've Had Enough)

Four

Four

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
          every action in this world will bear a consequence
          If you wade around forever, you will surely drown
          I see what's going down.

  

It’s getting worse. I can see it, it’s impossible not to see it when you pay attention. Even when I try to talk to her, she avoids me. Me, the only person that has managed to get into her world, and she’s shutting me out too. She’s hiding from everyone.

Can’t she see what’s happening? Everything that she does only makes things worse for herself. Shutting the world out won’t make things better, it won’t save her. It will only put her in greater danger.

I think I know why she’s doing it, though. If she doesn’t have to deal with anyone then her boyfriend won’t have a reason to get mad and beat her up again. But every decision she makes, even if it’s as simple as never meeting someone’s eyes again, will have a consequence. Nothing in this world goes unnoticed. Every step will lead to another, every decision will lead to another. She’s not facing the problem, she’s just avoiding it.

“Are you sure about this?” I overhear one night when I’m walking to the storage to get more vodka.

“Yes, this is for the best,” I hear next and I recognise her voice so I go back on my steps and until I can see our boss and her talking. She’s hugging herself and with her eyes locked on the floor, keeping a safe distance from Arnold, the owner of the bar.

“You won’t make as much money and I know you need it,” Arnold reminds her and she shrugs.

“I don’t want to deal with costumers anymore. They only cause me trouble,” she confesses and I clench my fists. Dealing with costumers only causes her trouble because of the idiot she’s with. If she were with someone else she wouldn’t have problems. “I’ll be fine.”

“But being a waitress is better than cleaning this place. You know how the toilets end up,” our boss insists and she shrugs again.

So she’s asking for a different job? She wants to clean instead of being a waitress so that idiot won’t make a scene again? I can’t believe it. She needs the money, the tips. Why is she doing this?

“It’s better like this. Please, I’ll do it fine. I promise, you won’t have any complains,” she begs looking up just for a second and that action makes my guts twist.

“I know you will, I just worry about you, love,” he says and I see her taking a few steps backs and hugging herself tighter, obviously reacting negatively to that word.

“Please,” she whispers and I hear Arnold sigh.

“Fine, you can start tonight.” And with that, the conversation is over and she turns around, finding me there, watching her.

She meets my eyes and I see the shame in hers because she knows I know the real reason why she’s doing this. And she sees I don’t approve of it.

I call her name, hoping to change her mind but she looks down and walks past me, leaving me standing there.

“She needs help,” Arnold speaks.

“She doesn’t wanna listen to me,” I say clenching my fists even tighter. “I’d do anything for her, but she doesn’t wanna be helped. What else can I do?” I ask rhetorically and I hear my boss sigh.

Arnold walks up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Keep trying,” he says and leaves.

Once again I’m alone, standing there, trying to know what to do now.

I curse the moment they met, the moment she decided to give that asshole a chance because that brought her to this very moment. This is what I mean when I say that every action brings a consequence. Even a smile. Like the one she gave me and made me fall for her because I saw there was more of her, so much more that she was hiding because she was scared. And now this… Where will this lead her? What’s going to happen next? I wouldn’t be surprise if she quits the next month because that troglodyte is keeping her hidden in their house.

If she keeps doing this, if she keeps avoiding the real problem and stays with him she’ll drown. This can’t go on forever, there isn’t so much a woman can bear and I’m afraid that when she reaches the limit it’s going to be too late.

People talk about how terrible abusive relationships are, and they are right. I’ve seen the results and it’s unbearable. But they barely talk about what it’s to see someone you love trapped in one of those relationships. Trying to talk to them and make them understand but failing. Seeing them believing they deserve that, that that’s the best they can get in life when it’s not true. People don’t mention how frustrating it is to see someone who needs help so trapped that they won’t even accept your help.

I don’t wish anyone to feel like this. Ever. Not even that asshole she has for a boyfriend. No one should see a loved one trapped in an abusive relationship. And no one should just stay there and do nothing. If you see someone that’s potentially getting in one of these relationships, it’s your duty to do something. If I had known her before maybe she would’ve listened. Maybe I could’ve done something. Now she’s so deep in these turbulent waters that I can’t reach her.

Will she be able to swim to the surface once the touches bottom or will she drown?

Abusive relationships come in different ways and most people are blinded. They don’t see what real love should be. People are so desperate to be loved that they get satisfied with any kind of it, even if it’s a sick one.

That’s not right. It’s better to be alone than to be in a relationship that kills you inside. Being with someone like that will have consequences, like avoiding everyone you work with. Shutting your friends out. Missing your opportunities. Changing jobs even if you need the money just because he doesn’t like what you do.

Every action in this world will bear a consequence.

I have to do something that will bring a positive consequence. I can’t stand this any longer. So with that thought in mind, I turn on my heels and go after her. This’s gone too far. It’s time to stop.

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I can't thank you enough for reading and leaving comments. You all make me happy. It's great to see so many of you see how important it is to raise awareness regarding abusive raltionships. Keep spreading the word!

Bel, xx