Face Down (I've Had Enough)

Five

Five 

I see the way you go and say you're right again,
          say you're right again
          Heed my lecture.

  

It's not easy to get her to talk to me. I am busy and she's busy as well, or that she utters every time I try to get her attention. I come to the conclusion that the only way I'll get to talk to her it’s when the bar closes and she has to stay to clean the toilets. It's going to be late but I can't go home knowing she'll go back to him. I'm pretty sure that even if I talk to her she'll go back to him tonight but at least I'll have told her, plant the seed.

By the time the last costumer leaves I go after her, going directly to the toilets. She'll have to go there and she can't avoid me forever.

I see her before she sees me so when she finally notices I'm there it's too late. She can't run away from me anymore. I call her name and I see her taking a deep breath. Even if I haven't said a thing about what really brings me here, she knows. And I know what she's going to say. I know her excuse. It's the same as always.

"I'm all right, you don't have to worry. This is for the best," she says with a heavy sigh and I roll my eyes.

"Don't come with that crap again. I've heard you saying it too many times." She looks away because she knows I'm right.

"Don't meddle," she adds next and her tone is severe this time. "I know what I'm doing. It's my life"

"Hell you know," I cut her off. "It's enough and this time you'll hear me out. I can't stand it anymore and I can't believe you're that blind." She opens her mouth but I raise my hand to stop her. "You keep allowing these things to happen and it's enough. You say you're all right but you're not. Here you are, doing a different job because that idiot can't trust you and he’s a jealous troglodyte." She gasps but I don't stop. "He doesn't have a job so it's only you. You need the money but you gave up on the tips; why? Because of him. He forces you to do these this."

"He doesn't force me!" she exclaims and I shake my head.

“Indirectly, he does. Don't deny it. You say he loves you but does he really? If he loves you why does he hurt you?"

"H-he didn't mean to," she stutters, a mere whisper.

"I don't only mean physical damage. Have you seen the girl you've become? You're scared of making eye contact with someone. You're scared he might hurt someone else. You're scared to do something that could make him angry. He scares you, he's emotionally hurting you. He isolates you from the rest and that's as bad as hitting you."

She turns around and now I'm facing her back. I see her embracing herself and slightly shivering. I take a deep breath trying to organise all my thoughts so I can get my message across. I need her to understand that it's not really love what he has for her. I want her to understand that she deserves better.

I take a step closer and place my hand on her shoulder. She jerks and hugs herself tighter but instead of pulling back, I grab her both shoulders and make her turn around.

"He doesn't love you," I can see the heartbreak when I say those words and although I know I'm causing her pain I can't stop. She needs to hear this. "That's not real love. If he loved you he would treat you with respect, he'd cared about you and would want the best for you. He'd let you go for higher goals, he'd help you to be happy. Are you happy? Do you have friends? Are you free? You’re clever, you know that's not love."

I see the first tears running down her cheeks and I pull her against my chest, giving her a tight embrace that she fights at the beginning but then she gives in and holds on to me. I let her cry because catharsis is important. It's relief for her.

"Does that kind of love even exist?" she asks still hiding in my chest.

"Of course," I reply. "Sometimes you have to wait longer for it but it's worth it. Someone will love you properly... Some loves you properly."

She laughs sarcastically and I pull back grabbing her shoulders to make her meet my eyes. “He’s the only one who loves me, don’t you see?"

I shake my head because she’s so wrong. "I love you that way," I confess and she freezes. "I would never treat you like he does. I want you happy."

She steps back, pulling apart, her eyes wide with shock and dread. It's almost as if she were scared of me and what I've told her. Why? I'm sure she knew about my feelings, she can't be oblivious to that. Why does she react so badly?

I call her name but she steps even farther away from me. "No, don't say it," she begs shaking her head. "It's not okay."

"Why not? It's the true. You deserve someone who can really love you and if you don't want me it's okay, I just want you to be happy. Choose whomever you want, just choose someone who would treat you right. Someone who doesn't abuse you in any way. You are a great girl and you deserve to be happy."

She just shakes her head frantically and I don't understand what's going on there, what she's thinking but I'm pretty sure it's not good. She's panicking, I can see that.

"I-I-I can't," she stutters and before I can stop her she runs away leaving everything behind. I sigh. This didn't go as planned. To be honest, I don't even know if it was of any help at all.

I pick up the utensils she dropped. I kind of pushed her to run away and she might get in trouble because she didn't finish here. So, with a deep sigh, I start cleaning. I won't cause her more problems that she already has. At least that I can do.

-:-:-

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Bel, xx