Race Against Love (on-going)

Chapter 19

ADLER

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. I was planning to tell her that truth. Pero dahil sa sinabi niya tungkol kay Kai, hindi ko kayang sabihin ang tooto. She will hate me. And I can't take that. I can't lose her.

Gusto kong mainis sa sarili ko. She gave me a chance to say it. Sana sinabi ko na lang. Pero naduwag ako. When she asked the wrong question, I took it as an advantage not to tell the truth.

Sinagot ko lang naman ang tanong niya. I don't have a girlfriend. But I have Jill. Is it my fault that I don't see her as my wife?

Fu.ck talaga.

Alam kong pinagtatakpan ko lang ang kagaguhan ko. I knew what she wanted to hear. But I kept the truth. I knew everything will screw up. Pero naging pabaya ako. I should've straightened everything before I let her in my life. But I can't help it. I can't just keep ignoring her. She's everything I can't seem to handle. Tuwing nakikita ko siya, I keep forgetting my sense of right and wrong. Sa sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayari, hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko.

Wala naman akong pinagsisihan sa mga nagawa ko. My only regret, I should've fixed my life first, before even thinking of starting a life with her. Ngayon, hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula. We're together now and I'm still in this mess with Jill.

I don't want to keep on lying. At mahihirapan akon gawin 'yon kapag kasama ko siya. I just need more time to tell her the truth. At sa tingin ko, nauubusan na ako ng oras. Nasimulan ko na'to, kaya kailangang itama ko ang mga pagkakamaling nagawa ko. I have to make my move now.

Kanina pa ako dito sa parking lot. Nagdadalawang isip ako kung itutuloy ko ba ang plano ko o hindi. I took a deep breath and got out of the car. And it took me ten good minutes when I reached her door. And another five minutes before I decided to knock.

The door opened after three knocks. Tumalikod agad ito pagbukas ng pinto, she didn't bother to check kung sino ako. At mukhang hinihintay niya ang pagdating ko.

Madilim ang sala at ang tanging liwanag ay nagmumula sa mga ilaw sa mini-bar. Napansin ko ang kalahating bote ng alak sa counter. Nagsalin ito sa baso at lumapit ako. That's when I noticed her see-through white shirt. At nagpapasalamat ako kasi hindi gaanong maliwanag ang lugar. Kung hindi, baka pati kaluluwa niya ay makikita ko na.

And I hate it when she wears this stuff. I know that she's deliberately seducing me. We've been together for years and I'm used to it. And I have no problem with that. She can seduce me as often as she wants, for all I care.

Inawat ko siya nang magsalin ulit ng alak sa baso.

"Mag-uusap tayo. At ayoko ng lasing na kausap," sabi ko.

Padabog niyang ibinaba sa counter ang baso ng alak at tumingin sa akin nang masama.

"Hindi ako lasing, hindi ko pa nga ubos 'to," sabay turo sa kalahating bote ng alak.

Alam kong hindi siya madaling malasing, pero kung patuloy siyang iinom, I don't think makakapag-usap kami nang matino. Alam niyang pupuntahan ko siya kasi may pag-uusapan kami. At ayokong isiping nananadya siya.

Kinuha niya ulit ang baso para inumin ito, pero inawat ko siya.

"Jill, please. I won't stay long. Kaya itigil mo na 'yan. Importante ang pag-uuspaan natin."

She grabbed one chair and slumped on it. And her shirt was carelessly pulled upward. Her white knickers is showing and I tried so hard to ignore it. Especially when her fair and smooth legs are slightly parted as she sits. If we were just random people in this random situation, I could just be this random guy and let my normal male hormones deal with her. Thank God, we're not. Napailing na lang ako.