List O' Wedgies

The Wedgie

It's safe to assume that ever since people have worn pants there has been the complaint of fabric packing itself into the tight space of any butt crack it could find. The annoyance of having material bunched up in the back and the shame of having to deal with it in public has plagued mankind for centuries. This unbiased felon went unnamed for many years of its undie-scrunching spree until an unknown genius gave it a name: wedgie.

Once underwear started becoming increasingly available to everyone with a variety of fabrics and styles to choose from the runway was set for the wedgie to begin its true reign of terror. The almighty wedgie quickly became a feared weapon in the bullys' arsenal of tactics. Just saying the word would make band geeks' clench their butt cheeks in fear and fill fetishists' stomachs with butterflies as they let their waistbands peek out for an easier target.

Leaving a trail of shredded fabric, enlarged leg holes, and chapped butt cracks in its wake; the wedgie would become the bane of all nerds, an ace in the hole for lowbrow comedy, and a fan favorite among older siblings that had an annoying little brother or sister.

The wedgie would frequently torment gymnasts in their leotards, first-time thong wearers, and anyone who tried to jump a fence in shorts. Even gaining celebrity-like fame in movies and finding a special place among friends at sleepovers and summer camps.

The most commonly thought of wedgies are the classic, the atomic, and the hanging. With hundreds of years of practice the wedgie has evolved, learned, and adapted to give itself a plethora of undie tearing deviations to dish out. New ideas and combinations are being conceived every day and woe on to those who are the first to feel the newest cheek splitting sensation to spawn in the realm of the wedgie!