Atonement

{Fourteen} Let Go

“Please wrap your drunken arms around me/And I’ll let you call me yours tonight/Cause slightly broken is just what I need/And if you give me what I want, then I’ll give you what you like.”

-Give You What You Like

Avril Lavigne

  As we were getting ready to head out, I’d pushed my feelings deeper within myself and proposed my plan to Cap. I hadn’t asked permission—I’d simply asked where a hotel was. I wasn’t sure exactly what I’d expected from him, but I’d been surprised by his reaction regardless.

  His brow had shot up before he’d let out a humorless chuckle. “Honey, I ain’t sure what you’re used to back home, but there ain’t no hotel ‘round here.”

  The way he’d said it—hotel—had pinched my interest. “So, what? There’s a-a…” I’d fumbled for the right words. You know when a simple word just escapes your mind and no matter how hard you try, you can’t remember it? That’d happened to me; in front of Cap. “A brothel? A cantina? A…a…bar?”

  “Saloon,” Russ had coughed helpfully as he was tacking up his horse.

  I’d snapped my fingers. “Yeah—that’s the one!”

  Cap had just stood there, arms crossed lazily and staring at me with disinterest.

  “Judging by your lack of correction, I’d guess there was a saloon. Let’s go, then. We’ll rest up and be on our merry way. Just one night.”

  The corner of Cap’s mouth lifted sardonically. “Ya think you’re just walk into a saloon? You.”

  Trying not to be offended, I’d simply huffed, “What’s wrong with me?”

  “You’re a woman,” Cap had stated like it was obvious. “You, a woman, in a saloon.” He’d waited for me to get it.

  I’d rolled my eyes and gestured to my itchy clothing. Who knew I’d miss my stupid skirt? “What the hell was the point in dressing me up in this if not to disguise my womanly nature? Sides I’ll just stick with Russ.”

  He’d acted like he didn’t give two shits one way or the other—even said he’d take us there. But the whole way he kept pointing out various scenarios in which my disguise could fail and I’d be in serious trouble. He told me not to immediately shove the saloon girls away—that would look really bad for me. He’d also been saying these scenarios like he didn’t care—“Just warnin’ ya”—but he sure was bringing it up pretty often for someone who didn’t care.

  That was several hours ago, though. Cap had since decided to shut up—since Russ and I were ignoring him anyway. At first Russ had been in agreement with Cap, but he must’ve gotten too tired to keep up his front because he’d dropped it pretty quickly.