delivered

96

( important )

hey hey hey before this chapter starts i just wanna really quickly let you guys know about how snapchat has been nominated for the fanfiction awards !! so please please go and vote for it and maybe i'll give you guys a double update ( just saying )

also !!! my account @rickyblitzz has apparently been nominated for the best fan account ?? wow thats a lot

anyways please please vote for me and hopefully we can win both this year ?? love you guys !!

to vote, you just have to go to thefanfictionawards and click on the blue book, go to the last chapter which says "voting-open" and vote for snapchat in the category of "best phan fiction"

and hopefully vote for me for the "best fan account" category !!

thank u once again

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no one is oblivious to the tension between the couple at the dining table, eating the dinner silently and not making much conversation because this time, the ice is just too thick to break. phil keeps his eyes fixed to his plate, half playing with the food and half eating it, his mind focused on the brunet boy sitting across from him who has barely touched his food.

dan's eyes are moving anxiously from one thing to another, checking the time on the clock to watching phil and observing the way adrian is separating the greens from his plate, back to phil again. he has no idea what to make of what happened in the kitchen.

he knew that phil wouldn't just leave him having a panic attack on the floor, but his harsh words and his ignorant behaviour says otherwise. he isn't really bothered about what phil thinks of him, he's bothered about what phil thinks of himself. as he sits here now, he seems to string pieces together, picking up small beads of conversations that were somewhere present in his subconscious mind, and threading them all into one place, which enables him to see how phil is taking this upon himself.

he probably questions everything they have been through, everything he has done for dan, only to come to this-his husband inconsiderately cheating on him with a person who made him insecure beyond repair. and even though dan knows how phil feels, he has no idea how to tell phil that it has, and it always will, be him who he loves more than breathing.

chris wasn't as sweet as phil, he didn't unnecessarily tip waiters because he thought they were having a bad day and he didn't pick out flowers for dan, and he didn't give him that hopeful little smile that makes everything better. he doesn't have eyes which make you want to question your sense of colour, he doesn't have skin that so effortlessly resembles beautiful winter landscapes. he doesn't laugh like phil does, he doesn't touch him like phil does and he will never love him like phil does.

there is just no comparison between them.

and yet dan gave away what was solely phil's to chris, just because he couldn't trust the person he loved the most. he blames himself entirely for whatever happened, but he also blames chris. if it wasn't for him, everything would be okay right now, phil wouldn't be sitting across from him and avoid looking at him, and the atmosphere of the apartment would be lively and colourful and happy.

"so, how long are you planning to stay here?" phil breaks the uncomfortable silence as he looks over to his mother, the older woman finishing chewing her food before answering.

"i was going to leave tomorrow morning, but adrian has asked me to stay longer so-"

"you can stay till new years!" adrian pipes in excitedly. he doesn't want one of his fathers to leave again, and the only way to keep them together in the house is if his grandmother stays here as well.

phil's eyes widen slightly, and dan watches his reaction, feeling his chest tighten at the expression on phil's face. maybe he really doesn't want dan here, maybe he should just make an excuse and go back to the hotel.

"n-new years?"

"do you have a problem?" kathryn raises her eyebrows and phil just shakes his head, focusing his attention back to his plate.

"no of course not, that would be nice, i've missed you," phil manages to smile at her and the older woman smiles back, discreetly nudging adrian in the ribs. adrian only stuffs his mouth with chicken to hide his smile.

"i-i have to leave tomorrow," dan blurts all of a sudden, feeling himself shrink as all the attention at the table is directed towards him. "i have a flight tomorrow night, so i won't be here for the week," he lies, not looking at phil because he know he will break if he sees relief pool in his eyes.

"what?" surprisingly, the question has left phil's mouth, and dan looks at him with a confused expression. he thought phil didn't want him here?

"i'm sorry honey, you can't leave here by the time i am in this house, i haven't seen you all in so long! i am not letting you leave," kathryn closes her eyes and shakes her head in disapproval.

"but i-"

"nope you are not, i don't care what work you have, you're not leaving, okay?" kathryn demands affirmation and dan just bites his lip, slumping back against his chair before wrapping his fingers tighter around his fork.

"okay," he sighs at his failed attempt of leaving, moving more of his food around the plate distractedly. he doesn't want to leave this apartment, doesn't want to leave his family, but more than that, he doesn't want to make phil feel uncomfortable. he can feel the air drenching in utter discomfort between them, so blue with sadness that he can barely see phil through it.

he doesn't want things to end, of course he doesn't, but he also wants to give phil some time to heal from this, to have to some time for himself and figure out if he is actually willing to accept dan back into his life and go back to the way they were before. he has already been terribly selfish, he doesn't want to torture phil more, he doesn't want to break his heart further, he doesn't want to watch phil hurting right in front of him.

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also thank you so much for 1.81 million !! i will actually cry if this hits 2M before it completes 100 chapters sjdjskxbhd what did i do to deserve you guys