Harrison Avenue // H.S.

3 A.M. Magic

           

[Harry]

Three o'clock in the morning is magic.

There is stillness in the mayhem. A quietness that I swear is at its best right at this moment in time. The kind of feeling that rushes through you all at once. Three o'clock in the morning isn't silent though, not even a little. It's quiet, a mellow hum to everything, but noise is constant in New York City... always is.

I used to associate three in the morning with Ellison. Three in the morning is when I would miss her the most when we were apart for those few unbearably long feeling but in all actuality incredibly short months when we were teenagers who had no idea what we were doing. It was like there was some alarm set in me for this... three in the morning would roll around and it felt like a wave of her was crashing onto me and burying me into the ground. All I would be able to think about was how she looked especially pretty when it was three in the morning when she only had the twinkling lights above her bed on in her room. All I would be able to think about is how she made me laugh so hard once that I nearly got sick because of it. All I would be able to think about is how I should have told her that I loved her differently, how I shouldn't have bombarded her with an emotion that I knew she wouldn't be able to handle.

Then it shifted and three in the morning still equaled Ellison, only there was no sadness in it anymore, no feeling of missing her, because she was there at three in the morning... always there.

Ellison is the kind of person who is her most true self at three in the morning. I'm almost convinced that everyone is at their most true self at three in the morning... if they just bother to stay awake for it.

I think it is important to note that approximately 60% of the times that we have been awake to three in the morning there is at least some level of intoxication involved... because I don't know what it is about it, but three in the morning doesn't feel so late, or early I suppose, when there is alcohol involved. So three in the morning Ellison is often a little bit rambunctious still, but in this dreamy way where I'm pretty sure she thinks almost everything is lovely.

She kisses me the most then.

Three in the morning Ellison tells stories that she normally keeps hidden in some secret chamber inside her head that she tries to forget she has a key to. Three in the morning Ellison laughs with much less thought, letting it just burst out of her without thinking about who is seeing her smile. Three in the morning Ellison likes to cuddle and be held, likes it when I rub the back of her hand with my thumb, likes it when I kiss her on the forehead even when everyone is watching... three in the morning Ellison really loves watching The Twilight Zone with no trousers on.

Sometimes with Ellison there are moments that feel like a secret. This was especially true that first summer I knew her. Moments felt like secrets because sometimes they were so surreal and out of place with her that I thought I had to be dreaming.

I've loved her for nearly a decade at this point and there are still memories I hold onto from that first summer with her. Maybe she remembers them too, maybe she doesn't... Ellison typically handled her liquor a bit better than me. I let the memories out slowly though, often telling them to her when needs to be reminded of how insanely in love with her I am.

Three in the morning in Brookings, South Dakota were most often spent in one of three places... that house with the what felt like never-ending parties, the front yard of a house that was painted pink that was about halfway home where Elle and I would sometimes have to stop for a break in our most the time drunken stumble home, and lastly, her room.

One of the nights Elle most certainly did not handle her liquor better than me was one of the nights where the front yard that belonged to the painted pink house was necessary. I hadn't realized that she had stopped and I kept walking until I heard "Harry!" in a giggled shout. When I turned around, Elle was sat in the grass, her legs crossed in front of her while her hands behind her propped her up as she stared up to the sky.