Harrison Avenue // H.S.

You're a Gem

[Harry]

I held her hand the entire flight here. I was holding it when our plane took off into the sky and I was holding onto it when we landed on a new set of asphalt. But Ellison isn't afraid of planes... Ellison isn't afraid of almost anything at all... but this, well, I don't think she ever wanted to let go of my hand.

The few moments where I had to let go, to grab a drink from the attendant or anything else that required more than one hand, it was like Ellison was thrown into this void that made her eyes look like they were screaming and like she couldn't breathe. It felt like my hand holding onto hers was the only thing to pull her back down from that void that she was quickly floating into.

She kept saying, "This is it, Harry, isn't it? You said she'd tell me to come home before... before... and she asked me to come home. This is it."

I didn't know how to answer her because that's immediately where my thoughts went when Elle said that Gerdy called and that we needed to go to Brookings. I haven't been able to express that concern to Elle though because she's already in full blown panic mode and is coming to these conclusions on her own. As much as I know that she hates me lying to her, it's felt like my only option at this point, so that's what I did, pretended that this wasn't my own concern as well. She only squeezed my hand harder, harder, and harder, each time I told her it was going to be okay.

Now Elle is in Gerdy's room with the door shut and I'm sat on a bench with Ethan in the hallway across from that room. It still feels like Elle is still holding onto my hand though, squeezing it as she closes her eyes, like she needs something to pull her back to the ground.

There is some irony in the fact that certain parts of a hospital are filled with new life while other sections are prepping for the end. Unfortunately for us, we are far more likely to be experiencing the latter and I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to handle this situation. I've dealt with death. Quite directly. Lauren was gone within seconds but we've been waiting for this day with Gerdy for nearly six years and it's still just as hard.

I think between Elle and I we were starting to forget that Gerdy was even sick in the first place, that she is even old in the first place... because just a few months ago she sent us a post card from her and Homer visiting Asia and last Christmas we got a picture of them with all of Homer's grandkids. We see Gerdy a few times a year and she always seems healthy, happy... always seems good. And I think we were starting to think she might be invincible.

She isn't though.

She is sick. She is old. She isn't invincible.

"I don't think Elle is going to be okay after this," I hear Ethan whisper next to me.

It surprises me at first, enough to earn a jolt in my shoulders because up until now Ethan and I have maintained a silence on this bench for nearly forty-five minutes. Ethan's voice isn't the same as it was when I first met him... Ethan doesn't even look like the same kid I first met. He's as tall as me, his voice is significantly lower and I'm starting to see more of Elle in him than I used to.

His appearance might be different but he's still the same kid underneath all the changes puberty snuck his way. Still a genius... still playing piano... still skating through hoops of fire I'm pretty sure... just a lot taller now.

I've seen him grow up. We visit frequently enough or he comes to visit us enough that we get to see each other every couple of months but every time I swear he grows another two inches. I think every time Elle and I think he's going to look like the eight-year old version of him that I first met but that's never the case and it takes us a few seconds of staring to remember how much older he is now.