suicide note [ ᴷᵀᴴ ⁺ ᴶᴶᴷ ] [#wattys2017]

22

don't hate me for making you confused

warning (again):
this contains light mentions of suicide.

☆*:.｡. ｡.:*☆

Okay.

I had never sent those letters, I had never even written them.

Crazy, right? Are you surprised too?

They could be seen as true and trustworthy though; I was suicidal and depressed for a long period of my life, and I had contemplated suicide too many times for it to be healthy. But I wasn't brave enough; I had never ever attempted anything. I was scared of the consequences. What if I failed? What would happen then?

Jungkook thought I was dead, and it hurt knowing that for him, I was no longer alive. For him, I had said goodbye a long time ago; through a letter. But, I wasn't the sender, if I were to kill myself, I wouldn't say goodbye to my best friend through a letter. What a horrible thing that would be.

The only thing I was wondering was who, and why? Why would anyone do this? As a prank?

It scared me, the only one knowing about the issues I had with my health was Jungkook, and only Jungkook. If he had told anyone else, I would feel disappointed, and nearly ashamed. He had promised not to tell anyone, I hope he hasn't. It would break our promise; a promise we've had since we first met. "If I tell you a secret, then you better keep it a secret" was what I told him, and he repeated it after me. That was how we became friends, through a small promise that held through both our lives.

I hope.

Oh, right, maybe you're wondering how I found out about these letters? Junghyun, Jungkook's older brother, told me about it. I don't know how he knows, that was also weird, but he said he'd contact Jungkook. I don't know how that went, I haven't talked with either of them for months. I wanted to contact Jungkook and let him know that I was okay, that I am still alive. But that wouldn't be good for him, it's been months since he found out I was (am?) "dead", and coming back all of a sudden and being like "Hi Jungkook! It's me, Jimin, I just wanted to say that I'm not dead!" would give the poor boy a heart attack.

I found out about Jungkook's boyfriend, Taehyung. Because, apparently "I" had sent him some kind of thank you letter for giving Jungkook "my" suicide letter. It all sounded extremely weird to me. And for some reason I didn't like Taehyung. I had never met him, I didn't even know what he looked like! He just gave me a bad feeling, and it was as if I had heard his name before; Kim Tae-Hyung. I did recognise it, but I don't know from what or when.

The whole situation was, and still is, crazy. I don't know what to do. Talk to Junghyun? Talk to Jungkook? This is a huge problem, but I don't know how to solve it properly, without hurting anyone.

Jungkook should know I'm alive and okay; but how do I tell him such a thing after months of him believing the untrue fact that I'm dead? And without his help, how will I find out who is behind all this? Maybe he doesn't know, but he could be.

Because it's not me, even if it can seem like it.

☆*:.｡. ｡.:*☆

you are probably very confused, and i know this was short, but everything will be explained eventually. i promise.

i am so excited for the ending alkdjdfngk

if you want to answer; what are you thinking right now? does anyone have a theory?