a Better Man
by Dillon Collins
I often wonder how much of what we think is the voice of God is just us speaking solely to ourselves. Trying to convince our minds that our actions and the paths that we walk on are perfectly permissible when they have been proven, time and time again to be hardly profitable at all.
And as I practice pidgin my practices I swear the I have not get reached enlightenment but I promise I'm trying. I'm trying to be he better man that I know in my heart is without a doubt who my wife deserves. I'm attempting to become the better husband that I know will be the better father for the sake of our future kids.
And you know, and I know, from our shared life and experiences that it gets so desperately hard sometimes to try to make any sense at all out of this, out of me.
And I promise hat sometimes I think so much that the oppressive blackness of doubt is all I can see. Crushing in on me like a vice grip to my soul. Squeezed so tight that I can't hear or think or breathe.
So I know that you are out there. And I know that you care. And are watching me with tears in your loving, knowing eyes. And that you promise a heavenly perfection he day that we are caught up in the skies. So until that day comes Father, help me to make it through the next second. And sixty seconds to a minute, and sixty minutes to an hour. So by Your perfect power grant me the strength to keep stumbling just a little farther so I can be a better future father to a son or to a daughter. And a better husband to the wife of my dreams that you've blessed me with.
I don't deserve Her. And I don't deserve You. Because I've got holes in the souls of all of my shoes . I've worn them out walking back and forth to the hospital inside the broken city of my mind. And no matter how many trips I take back and forth, back and forth, back and forth! It seems that more holes in my souls are all that I find!
I can't fix this God, but I know that You can. Help me to hold on just a few more second, help me to stumble jus a little farther down this road that I am on than I think I physically can.
I swear in trying to hold on until you create me... A better man.
