The Dude's Guide to Girls

Chapter Four: How to get yourself a girl

Chapter Four: How to get yourself a girl

Whoo the awesome foursome are fucking back bitches! Yeah it’s been a while and I’m sure you’ve missed our hilarious remarks for the past month or so. And for that we apologise, but hey, uh distance makes the heart grow fonder right? Well anyways so this is our brand spanking new chapter, on how to score yourself a woman. Yes the title is misleading but no this isn’t about how to get laid. Sorry dudes but do you really want chicks to know about our techniques and shit? No just no, it’s against the fucking bro code. So anyways now let’s discuss the do’s and don’ts of getting  a woman, the sexy surfer way. Same warning goes for this chapter like all others. None of this shit is scientifically proven, nor does it apply to every lady out in the world. So we needed help with this one and had some actual female contribution, so yeah knock yourself out!

[DO]

Be yourself:

Okay yeah this sounds like something a chick would say, and we couldn’t agree more. But lads we’re gonna say this in simple terms; don’t be poser. If you’re a gangster pimp dick, don’t pretend to be the preppy jock. If you’re the overachieving bastard, don’t be the bad boy. Because at the end of the day you’ll be the laughing stock of the whole female population, which then at the very end of the day means you won’t be getting any…for a long time. So once we witnessed the poser act happen with our very own Ryan. Yes that’s right, golden boy himself. For a whole two weeks the bitch went AWOL and completely disappeared off our radars, and then we find out he was trying to get Noah’s cousin out on a date with him, problem was he pretended to be some kind of bad boy. Let’s just that when that little chica found out, he lost all chances. Absolutely no hope. At all. Ever. So the lesson learnt here lads is that even if you’re a fucking dickhead and know you’ll never be able to score a chick, being yourself is better than being a faker, because no one likes those bastards who fake it until they make it. That’s some deep shit huh?

[DON’T]

Show how are whipped you are:

So every dude has at least been desperately pussy whipped at least once in their life by the time they reach their mid-twenties. If not then they’re either really retarded or just a prude. No offence intended if you fit that category. But yeah those are the most likely chances. So anyways, back on track now, we’ve all met that one girl that can keep us on our toes, and manages to keep us interested. And raise your hand lads if more than once you’ve let that girl slip through because you were a bit too obsessive. You don’t want to scare the poor girl off by being all pussy whipped and you haven’t even started going out with her, because that shit is just creepy as and she’ll think you’re like the creepy dude with black hair on Charlie’s Angels that randomly pulls people’s hair off. WEIRD SHIT. Don’t ask how we know that piece of info, blame Franks’ for making us watch that shit over and over again. Like that time our mate Damo got all pussy whipped over a chick and he got all jealous and raged when she went out with his mate Jake, and BAM fist connected to face, and then the girl was crying because Damo hit Jake. Intense shit, so I guess you could say he lost all chances with her, why you ask? Because he freaked her out, which was due to him jealous, which was due to the big underlying problem which was that he was a pussywhipped fucker and he didn’t even have the girl.

Which brings me into a sub heading for this rule- Do make sure she’s yours before engaging in jealous rages

So it’s happened to everyone, we’re sure of it. First off, make sure you’ve got the girl before you go on a rage at anyone who tries and flirts with said woman. Because trust us, if you start getting all pissy over her flirting with another dude, and she finds out, you’re in a whole world of hurt and complicated shit, simple as that, so save yourself the pain and just don’t do it.