My Letters to God

Cookies and Brownies

Dear God,

         I dreamt of mom last night. Did you talked to her? She hugged me tight for about half a minute and I felt really really really happy! Can you see how big my smile is right now? I felt her warmth for the first time… she never hugged me before… Well, maybe when I was still an infant but as far as my memory can take me she usually just pats my back or tap my shoulders or give me a quick kiss on the cheeks on a daily basis. There was warmth but I think it’s just a pinch of what I’ve felt last night. Please don’t tell this to her. She might get mad at me and wouldn’t visit in my dream again.

         I never knew that a mother’s hug is the best thing that a teenager like me could feel. It was an amazing feeling… too bad I woke up already but it’s alright because it was a priceless experience. I wish I had felt it when she was still alive… that must have felt warmer, right?

         Aunt Hannah dropped by today. She brought a lot of homemade brownies and cookies. She’s my mother’s little sister and I really like her. She talked to me and I think she was trying to comfort me in a way but I just smiled and nod my head since I couldn’t find the words to utter. She cried afterwards and I gave her a box of tissue while patting her back gently. I don’t know why I didn’t cry, is that a good or a bad thing?

         She asked me where dad is, I didn’t respond and I saw how her face changed. I think she was getting mad at dad for not being there and leaving me alone in the house. I had to lie that he had just made a quick run to the office and he’ll be back before dinner because I don’t want Aunt Hannah to hate my dad. I’m sorry. Please don’t get mad at me.

         Before Aunt Hannah went home she hugged me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. She told me to call her if anything happens and she’ll be right over. She promised that she will be back soon and she’ll bring some homemade sweets again. I wonder when that is because her brownies and cookies are to die for. I waved at her when she peeked at her car’s window and I mouthed “Take Care”, she smiled and waved at me, too.

         I wish I have a sister or a brother too so that he or she can bake cookies and brownies for my children too when I die. 

         I ate dinner at 6, I was thinking of cooking macaroni and cheese but dad didn’t go home last night so there are still lots of casserole in the fridge. I left a note on the table just in case dad arrives tonight, it says “Casserole’s on the oven” at first and realized that my grammar was wrong so I put a line on the on and wrote “in” instead. I wish that it would make him smile… like the way he used to.

         My best friend, Alison texted me again and said she was sorry but she will not break up with Jesse since Jesse and I weren’t even dating to begin with. I didn’t want to argue with her so I just replied that “It’s fine so forget that it ever happened.”  She replied, “Really? I know that you wouldn’t break this friendship! ILY so much!” I feel so stupid, is that a bad thing?

         I gotta sleep now. I have school tomorrow. I have to wake up early to cook breakfast. I wonder if dad will take me to school.

P.S. Please watch over dad. He might be drunk tonight just like the other nights. Just knock him out wherever he is if he’s really drunk so that he wouldn’t have to drive his car back home. Oh and please tell mom to visit me in my dream again and if possible please ask her to tell me where she had placed the zip lock bags ‘cause I’ll need them to pack my snack tomorrow. Thanks!

::Author's Note::

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