Caught in a Crossfire

Chapter 12

 "Jessica."

"Hmm?"

"I don't feel comfortable in this dress." It is a long sleeve, color of the sunlight. I had asked—no, begged—for something that doesn't show my arms. Jessica was fine when I told her the blatant lie that I was very self-conscious of my body. 

And this is the fifth dress I don't feel girly in. I feel guilty. For having fun. Not going to see my mother. I've done Homecoming once. And I regretted it when Mom was "sick." I pat my fingers against the material wrapped around my body. Legs, exposed. Chest, exposed. I feel horrible.

"Hmm," Jessica muses, circling around me in her mini skirt and tank top. She has already bought a dress that fits her. But none fit me. "You're an earth tone, not actually taking in some of these colors. Maybe we could fit one for the theme of this Homecoming. It's a Victorian King and Queen theme, god knows why they picked that."

I scrunch up my nose. I hope I don't dress in all poofy clothes. I hated that when I was a baby, I hate that now.

She snaps her fingers. "I got some ideas, but I gotta know if you're cool with us being like those two girls in that movie I saw."

I arch a brow. "Um."

"Hold on." Jessica says,and quickly leaves the dressing room, her tennis shoes hitting thefloor.

Once I'm sure she's out of shot, I take a seat on the almost vacant bench, my clothes in a scattered heap on my left, Jessica's bag for her dress on the right.I strip off the dress, and stare at the cuts that are along my arms while getting dressed. I haven't relapsed in over two weeks when Dad began to be better, and I've made sure not to cross any lines with Carlton, though I have been reopening a couple scars.

I run one finger over one dangerously close to my vein. I was so close to dying that day, but I kept myself conscious, thanks to sneaking in a drink of liquor. Or was it some drugs I still had in my system . . .

All I am hoping is that I have a good night. I can be happy. I hope. But I doubt it.

You shouldn't have done this.

A knock on the door makes me jump. "Are you decent in there, Autumn?"

"J-just a minute." I stutter, putting on my jacket over my clothes. It's started to get cold recently. Better than the heat wave we've had all summer. I smooth out my shirt and pants. "Come in."

She knocks again. "Um, you have to unlock the door, baby."

I get up to unlock the latch,and Jessica sweeps in with a dress that are the colors of the name I am born. It is long sleeved, the length long enough to reach my knees. Oh my gosh. "I..."

"Like it? Figured you will.Something autumn for Autumn." Then she giggles. "So, do you think it's right for you?"

I reach over to touch the dress, fingers shaking every single time I make contact with the inside of it. It isn't too revealing. It won't show my scars. I can wear this. "Yes," I say quietly.