Mi Corazón

Chapter 12- Lovino

Chapter 12- Lovino's POV

Antonio slowly sat back down on the bed, his face a portrait of confusion and dread and anger and sorrow all at once. I ignored it and swung my leg over his head, straddling his lap. He pushed me aside and stood up.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.
"N-no..." He muttered. "I'm sorry, Lovino."
"What?" I felt a lump start to form in my throat.
He shook his head.
"Oh God, what's wrong? Are you sick? Dear God please, Antonio tell me you're not sick."
"I'm not sick, Lovino."

I read his body language; he was doing his nervous thing. His head was tilted to the side and his hands were fidgety. He wouldn't look at me.
My heart started to hammer in my chest and my words caught in my throat as I spoke.
"What's the matter? Antonio, answer me you bastard!"

He was holding the square wooden object that I knocked off the bedside table. I got up to see exactly what it was and Antonio tensed up, shoving it into the nearest drawer.
"What is that?" I asked.
He started to cry silent tears and shook his head. I started to loose my temper.
"ANSWER ME DAMN IT!" I demanded, tears streaming down my face.
"I can't." He replied calmly... way too calmly.
"WHY THE HELL NOT?!" I yelled.
"BECAUSE IT WOULD CRUSH YOU!" He shouted. Silence fell. I'd never heard him shout before and to be honest, it was scary.

Why the hell was he acting like this? What was this secret he was hiding from me? What couldn't he tell me?

I realised that in fact maybe this was something personal to Antonio and I should respect his privacy. I could see the guilt and regret in his eyes after shouting at me so I decided to make amends.
"Look, Antonio, it's okay if you don't want me to know. I respect that. I'm sorry I yelled." I said softly.
I stepped forward to hug him but he shoved me away so hard I fell back on the bed.
I sobbed and shook my head in disbelief.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked.
"Nothing. I have to go back to Spain. You can't come." He mumbled hurredly, hurling his big heavy suitcase down from ontop of his wardrobe.
"What the fuck, Antonio?!"
"SHUT UP!" He yelled. "Just shut up, okay?"

Antonio threw all of his important belongings into his suitcase, grabbed me by the arm and led me outside. He locked the front door behind him.

"Lovino, I can't explain this to you. I have to go back to Spain alone now, okay?"
"No, that's not okay!" I said. He ignored me and carried on speaking.
"I don't know how long I'll be gone but I really have to go. Lovino, I love you-"
"Yeah. Yeah, sure. You love me." I said sarcastically. "What you're doing right now is clearly an act of love, Antonio."
"Fine! I don't love you. I never have. There, are you happy?"

I felt my anger rising in my stomach and my chest, forcing its way up my throat.
"What?" I asked weakly.
"I never loved you." He said bluntly, shrugging and turning away. "To be honest, I found your company pretty unbearable."

My emotions got the better of me. This amazing man who brightened my whole world and made me feel like I was actually worth something was leaving me. My best friend and the person I loved most in the whole world- the only person I could share my feelings with- was abandoning me. The man who had written songs about me and invited me to all his little gigs simply did not love me. Worse, he hated me.

"Antonio, please stop it. Stop it, just stop this." I wimpered, too exhausted from crying to even yell any more.

It had to be a joke. I was surely dreaming and soon I'd wake up and this would all be some horrible nightmare and I'd be in bed cuddled up with Antonio, safe and sound.

Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way.

He climbed into his open car and drove off without looking back.