Her mind..

for hurting...

For all the pains I've held within my heart, the lost love, and tears, for all the times where I felt as though there was no hope. This is for you. My innermost thoughts.

Two paths crossed once:
life is bittersweet
maybe in your mind you were the bitter and I was the sweet
a taste so conflicting
yet addicting
do you indulge in the sweetness against my lips only to spit out the sour taste of your past
or do you engulf yourself in both
but you must wonder which of the tastes are more prominent
surely one takes up a bigger percentage than the other ;
the bitter overwhelms your mouth
your past sorrows flying by, they over come my sweetness; my hopes and dreams of us
cannot tame the fiery taste of bitter
so there we would remain
bitter and sweet
never would the two cross again.

Extracting the poison:
How could I still want you when you're poison to my veins? all these nights I spent loving you, like suicide to my inner being. Just as I think I'm okay without you, I break again. You were my necessity, yet I was your victim. I beg for you, I beg for this pain to go away as one begs for their life back. Like a wounded butterfly trying to fly; stumbling every so often as the breeze hits hard on the damages. What more can fix these wounds? but a bandage can merely cover them from the world and can conceal every flaw that you left upon me. Allowing the open wound to seal shut? The infection of you sets in, hard to cure and get rid of. Memories set in, mixing them with the sting. How do I extract you?

I want to be alright:
how can your feelings disappear so quick? Did I mean so little to you? Do I even mean anything anymore? My thoughts overwhelm me, I never should have let another human be responsible for my happiness, I shouldn't have trusted completely, or maybe it was you, maybe you let me go because you were afraid of loving again, either way it left me realizing what I deserve, I thought losing someone who meant so much to me would kill me, until I realized, I've surrounded my life with the most amazing people, the ones who are there for me when I'm sad and the ones who can even make me smile wide after a devastating heart break , I'm so eternally grateful to lose someone who didn't care about me for now I know who's really there for me and I will find someone who will love me for what I have to offer, every depth of my being they will not shy away from me as you did, they'll be everything , and I cannot wait.

Lost souls
a soul lost to love
a soul once lost
the tragedy of losing an entire being by loving too much.

Look what you made me become:
saying I love you when you don't mean it. Once have I ever done this task. The words fled from my tongue as a knot formed in my throat. My voice slightly higher than usual. I almost couldn't hold back my laugh, for a split second I thought I meant it, that maybe this form of revenge was just a ploy that could land with you as mine. My idea of having love with you was just as faux as my words. It burned my throat as they came out, yet I knew you deserved it. How many girls you made pose nude for you, they were so young as you took their innocence away; giving them false expectations of what a true man is like. How dare you?

What he told me:
You were gorgeous until you let people see the real you.
You were cute until you opened that pretty little mouth
You were mysterious until you opened up your heart to let the real world see
I got bored, there's barely any depth to you
You come off exciting, adventurous, gorgeous, but then we see the real you; the one who's clingy and gets attached way too easily, the one who puts her heart out on her sleeve hoping for someone to return her heart for theirs. Someone who puts their full heart into everything they do, someone who actually cares. That isn't what I signed up for, I signed up for a pretty face. 

The art of love:
why does a single soul affect your mood? Happiness is vibrant throughout you yet you spend so many hours staring at a wall thinking about the pain you've felt wondering if it will ever go away, wondering if all your choices led up to this moment, they consumed you and spit you out, so now all you're feeling is so numb.numb.numb. The word you've grown so used to these past months. Will somebody ever love you? You love everyone so much, love is within your soul at every touch, but isn't it the saddest that show the most love? Or do they grow cold under the rough touch of the past? Maybe you'll love more than you'll ever be loved. The sad reality of your warm beating heart, maybe it only begins to stop when your warm heart grows stone cold. Inevitable yet maybe then someone will love you the way you once loved.