Poems of a lighthearted nature

I just hate sports

Though I respect the opinions of others

I don't understand how so many love sports

for there are a million places I'd rather be

than on netball or tennis courts

When something's thrown at me, I flinch

and don't have the instinct to try to catch

I can't throw, bat or kick so I'm horribly useless

in any competitive kind of match

I'm not flexible and my joints click frequently

prbably due to their state of disuse

and I just have no interest in complex rules

so don't bother to ask me the meaning of deuce

I'm no good at jumping and I wheeze after exercise

my time in the cross country team wasn't fun

for I was plagued with the effects of asthma

and was sure death was close after every run

My old dance teacher called me a 'fairy elephant'

which wasn't the image I was aiming for

and in moves that involve both precision and balance

I find myself lying face first on the floor

so when thinking of things that I love and enjoy

physical exercise doesn't enter my thoughts

as I'm clumsy and lazy with no coordination

and to be blunt, I have a very strong hatred of sports.