Never Have I Ever

Chapter 17

please dont hate me.......... lol 

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My palms were sweating already. I rubbed my hands roughly on my dress out of nervousness. Nash noticed this immediately. It made his lip twitch in amusement, like he knew how he affected me. God, even drunk he was observant.  

I swallowed.  

"Never have I ever..." he took his time, considering what to say. His eyes lit up. Oh God. "Had an alcoholic mother."  A smirk was on his lips.

I felt my stomach lurch and even though I hadn't even had anything to drink yet, I wanted to throw up. This wasn't fair! He should know not to ask things like this! I considered lying and not taking a sip. He didn't have to know. No one did. He was looking at me expectantly.  

I clenched my fingers around the cup tighter.  

"Please just..." my words caught in my throat. My breathing was labored. I saw a flicker of concern in his eyes before he masked it.  

"Well?" He drawled. I saw the boy I had met at the party. Arrogant, rude and careless. Not the Nash I knew. He was too far gone. I wanted to slap the cruel smirk on his face right off.

I sipped, with great difficulty. His face stayed emotionless. Butterflies filled my stomach. Nothing happened. Someone knew how my mother was and the world didn’t cave in. I felt…relieved.

I stared at him, sitting carelessly on the coach, and bit my lip. He caught this, and immediately his guard was up again. This was it. The question I had been dying to ask, but held it in everytime.

I tilted my chin up, new found confidence filling inside of me. I had the upper hand now.  

A sloppy smile was on his lips. Drunk and so pathetic. How could I have thought I could save him? I couldn't. No one could save him from himself.

"Never have I ever," I paused, noticing the slight shake of his hands. He knew. He knew the question I was going to ask and he was terrified. Like a little boy, his eyes were wide and helpless. Don't do this to him, my mind was screaming at me. But he hurt me... he asked about my mother to hurt me intentionally. How could I let that slide? I did, though.

"Uh," I stumbled on my words, "been... so drunk that I blacked out." I hadn't expected him to sip, but he did. I stayed quiet and didn't ask him to explain like I normally would have. 

"I know what you were going to ask before," he told me, his cocky tone gone for the moment. His eyes were focused on the floor. He looked up at me, "Why didn’t you?"  

"I didn't want to hurt you," I told him honestly. His eyes blazed. 

"Why do you-?" He shook his head, not finishing. His jaw was clenched tight, cheekbones so sharp on his handsome face. I could see the muscle in his jaw jumping.  

"Why do I what?" I asked. "Care about you?"  

"No... Just..." He shook his head, frustrated. "Never mind," he said in a blank voice as if just realizing he was supposed to be angry at me. He pressed his lips together, glaring at me. I looked at him. Why was he angry at me? This made no sense! We were fine earlier! I frowned at him.  

"I don't know why I even wasted my time on you." His voice was hard as he said this. It stung. He's drunk, I told myself. I looked away. Don't people usually tell the truth when they are drunk, though? 

"You don't mean that," I told him. My voice was unsure. He couldn’t mean it could he?

A smirk was on his lips again. "Sure I do."