Black Water | Jax Teller

Chapter 9

Vanessa decided to skip eating lunch in the faculty lounge and eat in her classroom where it was peaceful and quiet. She wouldn't have to deal with the town gossip about her relationship progress with Jax and most importantly she wouldn't have to deal with Heath's imploring stare. Vanessa knew it was childish, but she was officially avoiding him.

She thought it was the best thing to do in her situation. She wasn't particularly mad anymore for what he said in regards about Abel's behavior. He was still an asshole for saying it, but she knew he wasn't the only one in Charming that held that assumption about Jax's lifestyle affecting her boys.

She also had been rationalizing on why Heath did feel the way he did. She was right in saying she never promised him anything. But she knew how it must have looked to him that she was now suddenly being with Jax more than she was in the last year or 6 months ago when they started whatever they were.

She cared for Heath. She really did. Before anything he was her friend. He was a friend that would flirt with her a lot, but before anything they had a good friendship. He seemed to keep any ill feelings he had towards her husband to himself and treated her like a person. Not just as Jax Teller's wife. She was just Vanessa.

She thought that was why she found comfort in his presence near the beginning. Vanessa could admit she was a girl that couldn't sleep around. She wasn't a saint, but she needed some type of connection with whoever she was going to let into her pants.

And that probably was the first problem with everything.

She wasn't a one night stand type of girl or a hit it and quit type person.

When Heath first expressed serious interest in her, she did try to fend off his advances with soft rejections. She was still married, on paper, and still grieving the loss of her daughter. She just wanted to focus on her boys and their happiness.

But after finding Jax with Ima and feeling so low and lonely, Heath was a nice reprieve.

The first time they hung out, she remembered telling him firmly that it wasn't a date. They were just hanging out as friends. He accepted it and didn't push her for anything more. Since her and Jax were at severe odds and frosty towards each other, she continued hanging out with Heath. He made her forget about their troubles. He made her laugh and smile. He left her feeling a semblance of happiness. Heath was the one to kiss her first, but she certainly didn't stop him from doing it and she did kiss back.

They only started to sleep together three months ago and a part of her wished she never did start anything with him.

She was all at fault for her current dilemma. She knew she needed to end things with Heath. It wasn't because of her and Jax being on good and somewhat hazy terms. But with how she and Heath started she knew deep down it would never work out between the two. Heath was too doubtful, and a part of her didn't blame him, about where he – they – stood. If she and Jax ended things for good, she knew Heath would always be distrustful of their interactions. He would always second guess where he stood. In the long run she knew she couldn't handle that type of insecurity in a relationship. At least when she and Jax would be at each other's throats, he was still confident enough to have the nerve to still sleep in the bed next to her and even press heated and angry kisses to her lips before walking out the door.

But most importantly, when she let him into her life romantically, she wasn't in the right mindset to begin anything. She did care for Heath. He was sweet, charming, and there. She appreciated him for helping her get through some of her grief of losing a child and partially her husband. But she wasn't blind or oblivious to know Heath felt something for her more than she wanted to admit.