Chasing Ruins

Epilogue: Paulo Ruiz

"Everest 'wag masyadong malayo anak." Tawag ko sa panganay namin na tumakbo na kung saan na hindi ko na matanaw. Narinig ko na lang ang tahimik na pagtawa ng asawa ko kaya napalingon ako sa kanya.

"At ano naman po ang itinatawa mo?" I asked jokingly before I pulled her into my lap. She yelped before giggling and encircling her arms on my neck. "Ang ganda-ganda mo naman po." Muling puri ko sa kanya. She looked at me unconvinced at the same time amused.

"May kasalanan ka nanaman ba kaya ka naglalambing?" Mapanuksong tanong niya na siya naman sinagot ko ng iling. Inakap ko siya ng mahigpit saka hinabol ng tingin si Ever na nagtatatakbo sa garden ni mommy Glen.

Ilang taon na rin at nabuo pa rin namin ni Tara ang pangarap naming pamilya. I admit, hindi naging madali ang biyahe namin papunta rito. But that's the least of my worries, ang mahalaga nakarating kami at masaya kami ngayon. I can still remember the time Everest was born, nang mga pagkakataon na akala ko wala na akong pag-asa sa kanya at sa anak namin.

"S-saan ka pupunta?" Narinig kong tawag ni Tara nang nagsimulang akong maglakad palabas ng kwarto niya. I looked at her baffled, while the other three persons in the room had their eyes glued at me. Her dad smiled sensing the tension and ordered for me, Tara and the baby to be alone.

Silence hovered between the two of us as soon as the white walls crowded in. Nagtitigan muna kaming dalawa saka siya naunang nagsalita. "G-gusto mo bang kargahin si baby?" She asked. Walang anu-anong tumango ako at lumapit sa kanila. Dahan-dahan niyang ipinasa sa akin ang bata. I looked at the little champ while he flails his arms around. I sniffed at the sight of him, he's so beautiful.

"Hindi pa natin masasabi kung sino ang kamukha, but he got your eyes." She said in a soft tone while caressing the baby's cheeks. He cooed before putting his hands in his mouth and suckled on it like a pro. Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makahanap ng tamang salita para sabihin sa kanya. Kung saan ako magsisimulang mag-sorry.

Natahimik nanaman kaming dalawa saka ko siya ginawian ng tingin. Her face a few inches from mine. Medyo pagod pa nga ang itsura niya, I kissed her on the forehead before resting mine there. "I'm sorry for pushing you away." I said, my tears involuntarily flowing down my cheeks. "Marami akong dapat ihingi ng tawad sa'yo, sobrang dami hindi ko na mabilang. Halos lahat ata ng pangako ko hindi ko natupad. Wala akong ibang nagawa kundi paiyakin ka, saktan ka. Kahit ng mga panahong nagbubuntis ka, naging makasarili ako at piniling manatiling malayo sa'yo. But please believe me when I say that I die everyday when we're apart. I die everyday because I'm not right next to you. I thought I can give you want you wanted and that is to leave you be. But I am a very selfish man and I want you to myself. Kung huli na ang lahat, maiintindihan ko, kung-"

"Hindi pa huli ang lahat." Biglang putol niya sa sinasabi ko. I was out of words while my heart pounded eratically inside my chest. She looked away before she made a space between us. "Tell me something Paulo, pinuntahan mo ba ako noon? I just need to know." Saka siya lumingon sa akin.

I got lost in her emerald eyes before I nodded my head. "Yes, I tried winning you back but I saw you leave with Daniel." I answered honestly. She smiled, pain evident in her beautiful eyes.

"I wasn't the one who left, I just didn't stick around." She corrected. I gulped while I tread on a thin thread. The spark of hope I have dulled little by little. Inakap ko ng mas malapit ang bata sa katawan ko at nagdadasal na sanamay magandang patunguhanang pinaguusapan namin.