Beyond Repair (short story)

Chapter 7

It was so dark, and I could barely run. All I knew was that I needed to get to my house. That was it. I didn’t care if I was wasted out of my mind. I had no idea where Toby was, and I prayed to God that he was okay. I was crying. Well, sobbing. The tears were making it really hard to see, but I kept going.

Turning around, I saw a car coming from a ways away, so I quickly turned a corner, into an alley, and then felt someone grab me and pull me close to the wall. “Let me go! Get off of me!” I screamed.

“Lee! It’s me, Toby! Calm down!” Toby said in a hushed voice.

When I looked at his face, a huge sigh of relief escaped my lips and I tightly hugged him, sobbing even more. “Come on,” He said, and then started walking the opposite direction that I came from.

I stayed close to him, my arm around him. We walked back to his house, safely, and then sat on his bed. “Lee, who was that?” He asked.

I kept my eyes on the ground and my mouth shut. If I told him who it was, he’d want to know why I freaked out, and there was no way in hell that’d I’d tell him.

“Lee, please, I’m your boyfriend, and I have been there for you for five years. You can tell me anything,” Toby said.

I shook my head, and then stood up. “I should probably go home,” I told him, then headed for the door.

“No! Not by yourself. I’ll drive you.”

Sighing, I nodded, and then we both went outside and got into his car. The ride home was quiet. When we got to my house, I went to open the door, but he stopped me. “Please, text me. And stay safe,” With that, he kissed me, and then I got out of the car.

He waited in my driveway until I made it into the house. When I walked into the living room, Sean and Riley were sitting on the couch, staring at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Where have you been?” Sean asked.

I flipped open my phone to look at the time. 2:43 am. Shit. Looking back up at them, I shrugged. “I was at Toby’s house,” I said.

“Why the hell are you so late?” Sean asked, concerned yet angry.

I was far from gone. My mind was completely elsewhere. “Lost track of time. I’m sorry.”

They both stared at me for a moment, and then Sean sighed. “Since this is the first time it happened, you’re off the hook. You look tired, go get some sleep.”

Not saying a word, I turned towards the staircase and headed upstairs and into my room. After shutting and locking the door, I turned my phone off and set it on my bed. I didn’t want any interruptions.

Since I knew Toby would check my arms, I pulled down my jeans, and then set them on the floor. Walking over to the dresser, I grabbed the small box, and then went to go sit down on my floor, against the door.

My eyes started watering, but I held it together. ‘No crying, Lee, you aren’t a fucking baby,’ I thought, and then took the blade out of the box. Looking at my thigh, I saw the many scars on it, the many Toby hasn’t seen yet. I wanted more. Lots more.

And then it went. Press and slide, press and slide, over and over again. No pain, only blood. ‘More and more, keep going, there’s only one way to feel better,’ There was so much blood, so many marks and counting. I wanted to cover my whole body in cuts.

I realized I had to stop when there was no room left on my thigh. There was absolutely no pattern to what I had done. They went in all directions. Everywhere.

I could hear someone walking up the stairs, and then knocking on my door. “Lee?” Toby shouted.

I smiled, only because the door was locked and he couldn’t get in.

“Here, use this,” Riley said.

Fuck.

I bolted up and ran into my bathroom, then started the shower. They wouldn’t dare break into the bathroom. I quickly took my clothes off and stepped into the shower. Small whimpers escaped my lips when the hot water hit the cuts. It hurt so bad that I had to turn the ‘hot’ down and stand there while cold water poured down on me.

I waited about ten minutes after not hearing anything, then turned the water off and stepped out. I dried my thigh, and then wrapped it in toilet paper. Wrapping a towel around me, I opened the door and stepped into my room.

Toby was sitting on my bed. He then held up my blade. ‘Fuck. I left it on the floor. Fuck!’

“I want you to put on your bra and underwear, and then take off the towel.” He said.

I quickly shook my head. “No! Please, no,” I begged.

“Do it or I’ll tell Sean and Riley,” He said with a serious look on his face.

Biting my lip, I told him to look away so I could put the clothes on, and when he did, I slipped them on, but kept the towel wrapped around me. The tears now started to fall. “Please, Toby. It’s fine. I’m fine, really,” I told him.

Toby then got up and nodded. “Fine, then I’ll go tell them,” He said, and started walking towards the door.

“No!” I shouted, and then dropped the towel.

The wrapped up cuts had turned the toilet paper red. Sobbing, I unwrapped my leg and threw the wrap in the garbage can next to my dresser. Toby’s face immediately went from angry, to shock horror. “Lee…” He whispered and walked closer to me.

My eyes were glued to the ground, and the sobbing continued. Suddenly, I felt his arms around me, surrounding me in a tight hug. I hugged him and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. I was exhausted and had a throbbing headache.

“Lee...” Toby said after a few minutes. “Whenever you feel like this, PLEASE call me or text me,” He said, then released the hug and told me to sit down.

He reached into his bad and pulled out a first aid kit. He focused on cleaning my cuts while I sat there staring at the ground. I didn’t like the fact that he now knew where my other cuts where, so now he would check everywhere. “Can you please tell me why?” He asked.

I really wanted to say no, but I knew he would keep asking. Problem was, if I told him, he’d probably tell Sean and riley, and I didn’t want that.

He suddenly stopped and made me look at him. “Listen, I’m here for you. I want you to be okay and I will do anything to help.”

Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair and looked away for a moment. I didn’t want to tell him, but I felt like I had to. Looking back at him, I took a deep breath and sighed. “My dad.”