spring, april 27
徐明浩
xu minghao
minghao knows he shouldn't be upset with soonyoung because his friend's just worried about him, right? right? right? he doesn't know who he's reassuring but he sure is growing tired of having to contemplate things on his own. he's very tired of not having words to say to anyone for long periods of time but then again, it's his fault for separating himself from everyone. he can't help it.
the doctor said that he shouldn't dance for a while and minghao doesn't exactly know how long 'a while' is but it doesn't stop him from writing his estimations upon a sheet of notebook paper. this is all he's limited to. words. refined print. minghao is disgusted.
he wants to facetime chenhsin, with almost everything in his thin limbed body but considering the fat amount of homework he's been given, that seems almost impossible.
his father called him just that morning, waking minghao up from 16 hour nap, and for some reason, had dumped every single concern upon the young boy. his mom's sick, of course, and his sister hasn't been sending money to the family. not a big surprise because his sister is one of the worst people he's ever met but it doesn't change the fact that he would die for her.
his mom has hemophilia and contracted pneumonia, which isn't fair, because that's one of the many reasons minghao never wanted to leave. his dad's just trying to make money. has anshan gone bankrupt?
he's got a headache and he's home alone again. the birds croon outside his window, wiggling the branches of the oak tree beside the apartment complex, and even though it's soothing, it isn't that one clique of songbirds that chanted a single melody over his and chenhsin's heads back in china.
there's no other noise and his legs hurt like toothaches...but in his legs. minghao wants to stop reminiscing because he's scared he might actually have to stay in korea.
what about all his dreams and aspirations? he exhales for a good 16 seconds. had he always been this anxious? he's emo up to the very brim.
a knock at his door startled him enough to open his eyes and sit up, which inevitably makes him hit his forehead against his lamp that had been peering over him for the past 8 hours. stupid calculus.
"god, ow! just...f-lidnglhsj...god, it's open! just open it!"
the door opens and closes within a few seconds but minghao doesn't see who it is until the ever familiar cold hands poke at his exposed ankles.
"minghao, what's wrong?" the voice is soft with a texture ever so of cotton balls and it makes the boy feel like he's suffocating. he looks up and sees soonyoung's dejected gaze, heavily painted across his features. the light of the room provides a downcast shadow upon the elder's figure. he wonders how it looks on himself.
there's just silence between the two and because no one says anything more, it brings on more tension.
"hey, buddy, you can tell me anything. please tell me what's wrong. i promise i won't judge." he squeezes his ankles again but minghao kicks the cold hands away. his heart feels like styrofoam and that there's something in his throat that wants to burst. it's been almost 10 months since he's left china, his home.
soonyoung's biting on his lip and brings his sweater pawed hands back to his lap, bringing his eyes away from minghao. there's still boxes that haven't been unpacked and there's not much that has personalized his room, but his sister, on the other hand, has done enough decorating and renovating to make it look like she's lived there all her life.
but though given the amount of time that everything has unfolded for the xu siblings, the korean still has only seen his sister a few times, which was odd since he was always at the small apartment complex. he shuddered at the thought of thinking that minghao was constantly alone.
"soonyoung," minghao swallows hard, placing the back of his palm against his eyes. he wants to talk about something other than what's bothering him.
"xu mingie!" the other tases minghao right in the side, harsh enough to get a reaction but gentle enough for it to not hurt. they both sit there giggling for a while but when the younger tries to sit up, silence commences again. the sunlight is filling the room from the angle and the sunset, but the atmosphere says night; a cold, wet night. it hasn't rained in two weeks but minghao's pillows receives showers every now and then with tears.
"do you need a hug?" the korean asks, leaning more forward with an arch of an eyebrow and a warm smile. the speed in which the chinese boy reacts says something to both of them but they decide to put it away.
being a good friend he is, soonyoung ignores the warm tears he feels wetting his shoulder and just rubs minghao's back in circles.
"dude, why do you have to internalize your feelings? this isn't the early 2000's. it's 2017. i'm here for you." this earns a tiny chuckle from the boy in tears.
after a while, the hug turns into an awkward embrace with soonyoung rocking them side to side, adding more inertia, which eventually causes them to collapse on the floor beside them. minghao laughed a little but, looking up at the ceiling from between the tufts of his clay colored bangs. his ankle cried.
the date was april 27th. xialin had asked minghao to the graduating dance a week ago. the dance is on the fifth.
soonyoung sat up, looking down and grinning, trying to fix the growing frown on minghao's face.
"so, hao, when am i going to meet this chenhsin you're always talking about?" and the smile returned.
