winter, december 1
絳 真心
yi chenhsin
the cold isn't very nice in china. with the broken jackets her mom buys her from the flea markets near their house, she had been hoping to have earned enough money for both herself and her mother but even then, it wasn't enough. it was never enough.
she didn't see her mother much but when she did, it was usually when she was passed out on the couch from coming home so late. she didn't know where her dad went but she never really wanted to know.
but, for today, chenhsin wore three thin jackets after she had given her thickest coats to her mother. it was exceptionally cold today.
she walks down the sidewalks, cheeks and nose a harsh raspberry red, and wraps her arms around herself. junhui's house should be around the corner somewhere.
but it's not junhui who's around the corner. it's minghao's parents. her left ear has gone numb.
"oh, hello, chenhsin! it's been such a long time! wow, how're you doing?" minghao's dad greets and she quickly gives him a hug, a very vague sense of familiarity coming back to her. he had been her and minghao's chauffeur for over a decade.
it makes her sad, sometimes, to think that such good things can come to an end.
his mother playfully pushes her husband away and embraces chenhsin but for some reason, it takes her a while to pull away. the small-bodied mother gives her a gentle smile and rubs her eyes.
"how are you doing, dear?" she asks and the young girl pauses, realizing just how much his parents care about her.
a small, pained smile cracks upon her ice-cold face and she feels warmth peeking at the corner of her eyes. "i'm doing well," her voice cracks, like it always does. "and you?"
the two parents turn to each other and back to the girl, pursing their lips with softened eyes. minghao's father tilts his head and a concerned look spreads across his features. his mother grabs his hand and embraces him.
"chenhsin, why do you speak so formally with us? we haven't changed, so you shouldn't either, okay?" he touches her gloved hand and she doesn't even feel it.
had she really forgotten all the years she has spent over at the xu household, pretending that she was actually their child instead of her mother's? did all those years mean nothing to her now that minghao was gone?
"yi chenhsin, are you alright?" minghao's mother asks and she realizes that the older woman is close to tears. is she, too?
and suddenly, she wants to do all the things she doesn't want to do. she wants to cry and cry and cry until minghao comes back. she wants to tell his parents how much she loves minghao and how she decided that she had wanted to marry him. she wants to tell them how confused she is about her future. she wants to beg them for money but without their son, they were nearly struggling as much as she had always been. but these aren't her parents. and the life she is going to have to live is certainly not the one she had wanted for herself as a child. was it minghao's presence that gave her an idea? was it her mother's absence and constant pain that changed her mind?
"oh, chenhsin, you must be freezing! i cannot believe you'd leave the house with only these little jackets! come inside for some tea! i still remember how to make your favorite tea! it'll warm you up!" his father takes a step near her and chenhsin wants to leap into his arms but the sudden presence of a certain someone changes everything.
"wuddup, baobei!" wen junhui skips over right next to her and immediately wraps her entire body with a frightfully lengthy scarf, grinning that grin that screams, 'i'm here to eff up your girl and roast the heck out of you.'
minghao's parents open their mouths, leaving a ghastly expression as if bewildered at her with a boy, who wasn't minghao.
junhui wraps his arm around her shoulder and continues grinning at the older couple before her. "hello there! i hope this one isn't bothering you. she's a bit of a wild, isn't that right, chenhsin?" humid breath clouds from his mouth right to her face, which obviously doesn't look too happy.
"ah, who's this, yi chenhsin?" minghao's mother musters after a while of staring.
chenhsin reddens but no warmth is felt from it. the blood in her veins boils but the bitterness of her heart cancels it out. what is she?
"this is wen junhui, he's just my friend." her voice shakes with embarrassment. the boy beside her snorts aloud and squeezes her in his arm.
"eh, i don't know. we could be more. she's just so darn cute, right? i wouldn't mind dating this one. do you think i should?"
before minghao's mother's mouth can open to rebut his rhetorical question, he blows them off and smirks down at the girl.
"hey, chenhsin, wanna date me?" he asks, adding a wink at the end and the older man before them clears his throat.
"if you'll excuse me, we're leaving. goodbye, chenhsin." for the first time in all the years she had ever known them, minghao's parents say nothing more and are the firsts to leave the conversation. they hadn't even had a chance to give her a nice, departing hug like they always do.
everything's always nice while it lasts.
chenhsin turns upon her heel and glares with red eyes up at junhui. his grin falters and he crouched to her level, leaning close to her face. "what's wrong, yi?"
before spitting out nonsense that would've ruined perhaps their entire lives, the girl takes a breath. she looks down at her shoes and counts backwards from 10 to 1.
"were you serious?" she interrogates, anything that can possibly distract her from the real problem, brewing in her mind like a storm. junhui says nothing. they walk to school, almost forgetting about what had just happened.
he was,
and that's what scared chenhsin the most.
