As I Lay Dying

Fifteen

1916

Three nights so far.

Three nights on watch, followed by three days on the frontline, dodging grenades and fixing walls.

Our line sergeant frowned at me as he read my name for night watch three times. The order had come from high command and I could see he was puzzled. I'm a good solider. I haven't misbehaved, there's nothing to punish me for. At first he assumed it was a clerical error, but even before he double checked I could have told him it wasn't.

The advance over the top as been delayed, apparently the Germans managed to do quite a lot of damage in their night raid. We're focusing on a couple of days of rebuilding, firing on them heavily and hoping they don't attack between now and us being ready to face them.

I managed my first day and night with no sleep. Jimmy, without hesitation, took over another soldiers watch for my first night. He suffered the next day with me, rebuilding a trench wall. In his loyalty he volunteered on watch the second night and we forced each other to stay awake.

It's the end of the second day. Tommy and another soldier, who were supposed to be resting in the reserve trench, ran over and insisted I sleep for two precious hours while they took over my work of shifting sandbags.

Jimmy had no such luck. He was in another part of the trench and no one offered to take his place.

Our names are called for watch. Myself and Private Paulson. He's a good friend of Goodhams. I stare numbly at the ground. I'm so exhausted that I can't guarantee I won't slip up, fall asleep accidentally or be slow to move.

Luke and Tommy can't offer to cover, they're supposed to be in the reserve trenches resting tonight.

Jimmy catches my eye and he steps forward, looking utterly exhausted and says he will cover Paulsons watch.

I can barely stand. I can't speak out to protest against this, my body sways, odd little white lights swim across my vision. It's been 52 hours with just two hours sleep.

Jimmy, pale and completely worn, takes his position opposite me.

"I have at least another night watch to do after this Jim." The words don't sound like my own.

I know what Darlington wants. He wants me to fall asleep on watch. The punishment is court marshal and firing squad.

He must know. He must be aware that Evelyn's baby was mine.

What other reason does he have to hate me so much?

I don't want him to win but my determination is wavering. Every single blink of my eyes begs for just a moment longer, a moment more before I prise them open.

I force my eyes open, focusing on Jimmy's pale, tired face.

"Just give in Harry." Jimmy whispers. "I'll keep a look out."

I shake my head at the unfairness, he's slept less than me, but my eyes droop, even a loud bomb nearby isn't enough to wake me fully.

Goodham is patrolling, making sure I don't sleep. The difference is that he is allowed to sleep during the day.

I blink slowly.

Once.

Again.

I just need to close my eyes for a short second then I'll  be ok.

It seems like a millisecond before I open my eyes.

Luke is sat in front of me, grinning cheekily. Jimmy is slumped next to him snoring.