As I Lay Dying

Eight

1916

I wake with a start, barely aware that I'd even drifted off. It's Jimmy who has woken me, he's fallen asleep fitfully, slumped against me. I can hear the patter of rain and I curse softly, I know from experience that tomorrow's advance will be far harder in wet mud.

I have the sudden urge to see it though, feel the rain on my skin, and I stand slowly, careful not to wake Jimmy. I climb out from our little dug out and stand for a minute, raising my face to the rain, allowing the droplets to run across my skin. The air smells like wet mud and damp bodies, the damn musky smell that I've grown to hate so much. I sit down carefully, so that I'm still sheltered but close enough to the rain to feel it's freshness. It's the darkest part of the night, the blackest depths before dawn and I find myself wishing that it would last forever, that tomorrow wouldn't come at all.

I should try and sleep, that's what I should do. But I won't, I want to have every single second of this night. It could be my last.

I light a thin cigarette and inhale deeply, watching a small beetle fight a path through the furrows in the mud. I guess even the smallest creatures on earth have their struggles too.

Life is strange, the fact that I've ended up here is strange, wrong. This wasn't supposed to be my path. 3 years ago I was 18 and I had the world at my feet. I had a love that had been a constant throughout my young life, I had plans to go to America. I was going to be somebody great, somebody important... And now... Well now I'm a faceless solider and I have to go out tomorrow and kill other men who have never done me any wrong.

Since I lost her my life has been devoid of tenderness and beauty. There's nothing soft, nothing warm. Just brutality and murder. She's took all of the goodness from me. And the worst thing is that I never saw it coming.

***

1913

"Shakespeare is overrated." Evie announces, casting the book aside. It lands in a open and the slight breeze turns the pages slowly. "I don't see why we have to study it."

"Really?" I roll over and prop myself up on my elbow, reaching up to run my fingers through her unbound hair.

"Yes." She sighs and stretches out her stockinged feet.

"Hm." I sit up suddenly and pin her down, pressing my body deeply to hers. She giggles in surprise and I feather soft kisses against her beautiful face. I stop at her lips and she reaches up to kiss me but I pull away. We lie for a second, our mouths only inches apart. I stare into those bright blue eyes before speaking softly.

"Shall I compare thee to a summers day?" I whisper against her lips, feeling the soft warmth of her gasp against me. "Thou art far more lovely, far more temperate. Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May-" Evie sighs softly against my lips and I lean down to whisper against her, running my hand across her chest. "...And summers lease hath to short a date. Sometimes the eye of heaven-"

Sudden panic claws at me as I hear the sound of a horse nearby and a deep voice calling Evie's name.

I leap away from her, as if I have been scalded and she quickly sits up, frantically pulling her hair up into a bun. Her shoes are too far for her to grab before he is within sight of us.

"Lord Darlington." She greets him coolly, managing to sound level and unfazed, despite her hitched breathing.

"Evelyn." He smiles then frowns slightly, taking in her messy appearance.

"How can I help you?" She asks in a dignified manner and I hide a smile at her aloofness and his confusion.

"I... Well I rather think we got off on the wrong foot. Last night you barely spoke to me at the ball, I wanted chance to make amends." He glances at me. "See to my horse, boy." He orders.

Evie's back stiffens at his command but she is helpless to say anything so she watches as I slowly walk over to tether his horse to a tree.

"They told me that you were wandering the grounds so I brought a picnic." He gestures to the basket he's carrying. "I wanted to apologise for my behaviour yesterday, I was a pig headed oaf and I had no right to question you."

"Actually I was just leaving." Evie says shortly.

"Oh." He halts and looks at her helplessly. "Perhaps you could stay a little while? I asked the cook to prepare some of your favourite foods..."

Evie glances at me before answering. I can see what she's thinking. She's trying to strike the balance between doing what she wants and appeasing her father. If the master finds out she's spent time with Lord Darlington he'll be thrilled and she'll have more freedom.

"Perhaps for just a little while then." She nods unwillingly and he beams at her.

"Unpack the picnic, boy." He gestures to me.

"His name is Harry." Evie says frostily. Darlington looks startled for a split second before nodding.

"Yes, of course. Unpack the picnic Harry. Er... Please."  He nods stiffly, unused to addressing servants in such a way.

Humiliation washes over me as I slowly unpack the blanket and various foods then step back to stand near the horse.

"I had a servant I was rather fond of." He smiles at Evie, trying to find a connection. "Old chap from Yorkshire, couldn't understand a word he said but he was jolly decent."

His attempt falls flat as Evelyn nods disinterestedly. They pick for a while at their food, an odd atmosphere between them. I pet his horse, stroking it's neck and turned away from them, but still watching from the corner of my eye.

"What's this?" He reaches forward and picks up the book Evie cast aside. "Ah, Shakespeare. Have to say, I've never enjoyed his work."

"I love Shakespeare." Evie casts a mischievous side glance at me and I hide a smile.

"I've always loved Lord Byrons works, or perhaps the Brontë sisters." He carries on. Those are Evie's favourites too.

"Oh, I've never really cares for those." She lies.

The rest of the afternoon passes in the same way. Shes not rude, just aloof. She doesn't allow him to form any connection with conversations he brings up, politely disagreeing with everything he says, even if she secretly agrees with it. After an hour or so of standing I begin to get restless legs and shift my weight from one side to the other to ease it.

"I was thinking..." He attempts again. "Perhaps you'd care to join us for the hunt tomorrow?"

"I detest hunting." Evie says hotly. "I don't see what pleasure can be gained from chasing a defenceless, terrified fox on horseback and watching your dogs tear it to pieces."

Darlington looks surprised by the passion in her tone and there is a minute of uncomfortable silence.

"I have to say, you're must unusual for a lady of your standing." He says eventually.

"Perhaps. Anyway, you'll have to excuse me. The heat is too much and I need to go home."

She stands gracefully and collects her belongs as Darlington beckons me over to clear up after them.

I catch it just briefly on his face, the determination, the thrill of the chase. The utter need to make her belong to him.

We walk away quickly and once he's far behind us Evie turns to me with a smile.

"I think I've put him off." She grins impishly.

I don't reply. I just wrap her small hand in mine and pull her gently as far away from him as I can.