The Story Of Us

Chapter 10

I find myself being laid down on my bed, my back against the mattress. She's on top of me, my towel is coming loose around me.

She's kissing me, my heart beating out of control. I have my hand in her hair and the other on her lower back.

She breaks from the kiss and kisses down my neck, toward the top of my breasts which are now exposed. Her touch is making me let out strangled moans as she hears my body up in ways I've forgotten.

I strangle a moan as she starts to suck on the top of my breast, leaving small hickies. I tug at her hair slightly, I can feel her hot breath against my chest. Before it can go further, I hear the boys running down the hallway.

She sprints off me and I stand up, wrapping the towel around me again. She glances at the door, then at me. A small blush is starting to cover her cheeks. I give a small reassuring smile. Her step hesitates but she finally walks out of the room. I sigh and shake my head once she's out of the room.

I shouldn't be letting her do this. I shouldn't be doing this. I walk to my wardrobe, getting out some green boho harem tai pants and a black tank top out of my wardrobe. No need to look fancy when I'm just cooking at home. 

I walk about out of my room, walking down the corridor back out toward the living room and kitchen. I glance over at the boys who are all playing games and watching cartoons whilst heading into the kitchen. Arizona is there waiting for me, stirring the pasta sauce and meat so it doesn't over cook. She has also put the pasta noodles in for me to give it a head start. I smile, grateful for her help. I stand next to her, my shoulder touching hers.

"Thank you for your help." I whisper softly into her ear.

"It's fine. Did you want to get plates down?" I nod and walk to get the bowls for the boys and plates for us two.

Once dinner is served and dished out, Arizona and I, eat at the dining table with the boys. They all start having a competition to see who can slurp up their pasta noodle the fastest.

It's quite fun to watch their shenanigans. My smile strains as I feel Arizona's knee press against mine under the table. Every time she touches me I have a mixture of guilt and of lust and it it tearing me apart tonight.

Once dinner is finished, I sit with the boys, they're playing snakes and ladders the board game in the lounge room on the floor while Arizona and I sit on the couch together.

"I don't think I could have gone through all of this without you." Arizona speaks softly to me. I rest my hand on her thigh and squeeze lightly to show her it's okay. All the while I won't face her. I can't face her.

She'll see the guilt and the pain that I'm feeling. I don't want to do this to her but I can't do this to myself. I'm not ready and that's all there is to it. I don't want her waiting around because that's cruel. It may take years before I'm ready.

"What's wrong?" She asks. I'm y heart beat increases and I turn to her, giving a strained smile.

"Nothing." I assure her. She gives me her signature 'doubt that' look but stops it.

My mind starts to get caught up in memories. They're all morphing together. All the memories and Arizona and I when I was finishing school and all the memories of my wife. I did this to Arizona the last time we broke up. It was me, because I was being selfish. Because i wanted to have fun and be a teen. I got scared and I left. Now she's back and I'm about to fuck it all up again.

-flash back-

"Why are you doing this?" Her voice is a shaky whisper.

She's sitting on the couch in her apartment lounge room. I have a bag full of my clothes ready to leave out the door. I can't do this anymore. I want to be able to focus on university, I want to get my degree and go into the police force. I want to be able to party and not have to constantly watch what I'm doing so I don't hurt her in any way. I lover her, but I'm not ready for this kind of love.