Rebel Love (an Andy Biersack love story)

chapter 17

Chapter 17

I woke with an aching feeling, I knew I wouldn’t be going anywhere today, not with Andy watching me like a hawk, I got my sketch pad and my drawing things, careful not to wake Andy, I looked for something to draw, deciding on Andy himself, I drew him with his eyes shut and moth slightly open, just like he was now, after I had drawn him I drew a skyline, like the one from my bedroom except on the top of the tallest building I put a couple, they were meant to be me and Andy, I smiled and started to draw, turning into a daze as I put my pencil to the paper, after a while I saw Andy wake up from the corner of my eye, I smiled and he looked at my drawing, he gasped and took it away from me, I tried to snatch it back after seeing what I had drawn, a man, the man, the one in the room, the one who ‘played’ with me, I shuddered and reached over to grab the book from Andy, the man was seemingly on top of a bed, leaning down onto a girl, who’s face you couldn’t see but who’s hair was the same length and shade as mine, you could see that he was naked, and the girl was pushing him away, I leaned further, determined to get the paper back from Andy, even when I did his eyes were filled with sadness, he searched mine and whispered “tell me, please, I need to know” I couldn’t bare it, I turned my back on him, my frame shaking with remorse.

“You don’t need to know, no one does, I was weak” I said, my voice slightly angry at his demanding.

“If you don’t tell me I will assume the worst” he said, his voice caked with worry, I couldn’t tell him.

“just leave me alone, if you loved me you wouldn’t make me tell you” I half shouted half cried, he looked at me with disgust and climbed out of the bed, I was left alone and cold, I hadn’t really wanted him to leave, just to stop asking.

I spent the rest of the day in bed, not paying attention to anything but the pain and the music blasting through my ears, tears running down my face as I lay in bed, thinking of how much I wanted someone with me, to hug me and tell me that I would be fine. I stayed like that, drifting in and out of consciousness, having nightmares whenever I did, waking in a cold sweat and turning up my music, at about 6pm I turned off my music, people were talking on the bus, I strained my ears to hear.

“she wont even tell me what happened, she doesn’t trust me” he said, he had it all wrong though, I couldn’t tell him, it was too painful, I was scared of both his and my reaction toward what happened, I didn’t want to hurt him again, I had seen how much I had hurt him last time I told him, and that was ages ago, this memory was fresh and more terrifying, I shuddered and continued to eavesdrop.

“yes but isn’t it your job to comfort her even when she cant tell you, maybe it isn’t that she doesn’t trust you, that its too painful for her? And even if she doesn’t trust you, can you really blame her, you screamed at her the last time she tried to tell you something, and you act more like a jerk than a boyfriend, leaving her alone all day to cope with whatever the shit is that’s going on with her life, and you expect her to tell you what happened after she walked out on you?” at this point, I realised that I had been leaning closer to the edge of the bed to hear better, I tried to move backward but I couldn’t stop myself, I fell off the bed and crashed down onto the floor, I screamed in pain, my stomach was on fire and my foot was being eaten from the inside out, I couldn’t stop screaming, my head was wet with blood and sweat again and my mind was swimming through fog, I stopped screaming and gasped for air, feeling cold fingers pressing on my temple, moving to my head to stem the flow of blood, I panted on my side, then threw up what little food was in my stomach, then I wretched up blood and I felt tears in my eyes as hands lifted me and took me to the bathroom where I lay on the floor, my hair was wetted by a cloth, trying to stop the bleeding, I breathed hard, I felt like I was being strangled, I writhed in pain once more and blacked out, I was weak.

I was back n the room, the bed sprayed with blood, my blood, the man was walking toward me, brandishing a knife, another man stood behind him, barely recognisable but I knew who it would be, I saw Andy in the corner, laughing as the man ripped my clothes of, I tried to run but he caught me, “oh no you don’t” he said in a voice like nails on a chalk bored, I screamed looking at Andy for help, he simply laughed harder, I clawed at the mans chest, he simple sliced at my cheek with his knife, he lent down on my naked body, I screamed and a hand slapped my cheek, the tears ran down my cheek, I looked at Andy once more, and felt a knife drive through my heart.

I woke up screaming, feeling arms around me, I pushed away, but the arms became tighter, I pushed away harder, clawing at the arms, eventually breaking free, I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, I locked the door and huddled in the corner, terrified, he had laughed, he didn’t care about me, he just laughed, I erupted with tears, ignoring the persistent bangs on the door, I curled into a ball, feeling the searing pain in my stomach, it was lighter than before but still crippling at best, the knocks stopped and a voice came sailing through the door.