+ Positively Negative - | Freddie & Joey

21. Joey -+ Barely Breathing [Part Two]

So this upload speed isn't too bad is it? Be very wary of this chapter. Yes, there is incredible intimacy, and I have a feeling Wattpad will be censoring this chapter too. I was so insecure about the "scene" that I emailed it to myself and reread it about five times in school, trying to convince myself it's okay. I'm still not convinced. My sister told me it's fine too, and that's pretty much all I'm going on. Please let me know how it is, I really don't think I wrote it properly.

Chapter Twenty One

Barely Breathing Part Two

Joey -+

When Freddie had calmed himself down he said I should wait in his room while he dressed up. I climbed onto his bed and sat on it, leaning against the back wall. I wondered if he was possibly cutting again, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I was finding it hard to fit my mind around what he'd told me though, and felt three emotions; anger, annoyance and something else. More anger? Guilt, sorrow... I chuckled; more than three.

When Freddie emerged from his en suite he was wearing a large white t-shirt and worn jogging bottoms. Freddie tried to smile at me when he caught me watching him but he seemed wary and self-conscious. He still said nothing as he climbed onto the bed and settled beside me, brushing his arm against mine which caused me to shiver slightly.

"Thanks for listening to all of that," he whispered softly, running his left hand over the scars on his right. I could hardly see the cuts; he obviously had a stash of bracelets in another secret draw of his because his right arm was full of them again.

"No problem," I said, shutting my eyes momentarily. I opened my eyes to see he'd closed his too. It looked like he was asleep; peaceful and...beautiful. Gay, I know, but beautiful. His medium length, wavy brown hair was covering most of his features as his head lolled forwards, chin resting on his collarbone, but I could see his lips and his nose peeking through some gaps. His chest was rising up and down softly too as he breathed in and out.

My gaze flickered to his right cheek. The wounds didn't look too bad, and only made his skin look a little blood-shot. I tried to see beyond the arm bands to the maze of cuts he'd inflicted on his right arm, some of which were still easing beads of blood. All because of a guy who had raped him, yet still managed to make him fall in love when he was too young to even know what love was.

Hesitantly I stretched my index finger out and touched one that was visible. The second the contact was made, Freddie's eyes were open and he was staring at the slash I'd fingered. I pulled my hand away, embarrassed, and shuffled away slightly, pretending to get comfortable.

"Jeez, Joey, if you're going to try and take advantage of me at least kiss me. I mean, a touch may be stimulating enough for you-" he smirked.

"I can't believe you're joking about something like that considering what fucking happened to you!" I snapped. Freddie laughed softly but said nothing. "Oh, glad you're alright now," I muttered sarcastically. After another silence I found that he was closing his eyes again. "If you want to sleep I can go," I said.

"No, no," Freddie refused, snapping his eyes open and nudging my arm. "I don't want to. Talk to me. Ask me something."

"Um... I can't believe you don't like girls?" Freddie beamed at me like I was mad. I smiled too. Yes, it was stupid, but it was the first thing that came to my head; I didn't want him to fall asleep.

"I do," he muttered after a yawn and a bone-clicking stretch.

I snorted, "Yes. That's why you parade around saying you're gay to one and all-"