Just Picture It

Chapter 11- The Treatment

Saturday, January 28th

Swisher Street, 11:30AM

What?" Korbin asked as he stumbled to a stop in surprise.  Jamie was wasn't sure if she should be offended or amused by his response. He was so busy staring at her like she had grown two heads that he had tripped over the uneven sidewalk. 

Jamie felt a nervous giggle starting, and barely contained it.  A second later, her stomach was in knots at just the thought of what she was planning, and she didn't feel like laughing at all. He was looking at her in disbelief and Jamie finally tried to explain, "I did some research on panic disorders. Do you know how they are treated?"

"No," Korbin replied warily.

"The people have to be de-sensitized to what makes them afraid," she explained.

When his eyes widened in understanding she nodded and continued, "I was afraid to ask anyone to help me before, but I didn't over react when you grabbed my arm earlier. I don't know if it was a one-time thing, or if the panic level will be low enough that I can at least work on my anxiety attacks. Even if I just figure out how to act normal around you, it might give me the time to figure out the rest without people finding out."

Korbin nodded, but still didn't seem convinced as he asked, "What does it look like when you over-react?"

"I can usually just stiffen up or just move back until I can get enough distance, but sometimes I shove them... or more. If you let me go when I ask, I probably won't hit you though."

Jamie hoped he wouldn't be scared off by the idea of her hitting him. She was surprised when he absently waved a hand and replied, "I'm more worried about making your problem worse."

It was on the tip of her tongue to remind him of how good a fighter she was, but she stopped herself. No reason to TRY to scare him off.  Another reason he might not want to help crossed her mind, and she cautiously asked, "You don't have a girlfriend that will get mad at me do you?"

"No. No girlfriend." Korbin admitted as he turned bright red. He shuffled his feet before asking, "You really want me to be close to you in school?"

"No," she replied. Was that a look of disappointment on Korbin's face? Jamie told herself to stop imagining things and she continued, "It would work best if I could be close to you other times too."

Gradually, Jamie realized how much she was asking. She would be claiming most of his time, in and out of school. Most couples didn't even spend that much time together. Jamie looked away and began rambling guiltily, "I'm asking too much, aren't I? You have to stay focused to make the varsity team, and don't have the time to help me that much. Even if you don't have a girlfriend you probably are interested in someone, and don't want her to think that you aren't available. I'm sorry. It is just that even my uncles set off the panic mode. I suggested sparring before I even got my things from the car because I was afraid they would hug me." Jamie bit her lip in disappointment. Then she said, "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

Korbin reached out and took her arm to pull her to a stop before she moved farther away. When she looked up at him she saw that he looked annoyed. He blew out a breath and rolled his eyes before saying, "If I agree to this we are going to take things slow. If you can't accept that, then I can't help you. Understand?"

Jamie began to smile and nodded silently.

Korbin let go, and started walking again. After a minute he moved in closer. With his height, he towered over her, and he was close enough to her that their arms brushed as they walked.

The first time their arms brushed it was like the zap of an electric fence went through her. Goose bumps appeared, but Jamie struggled to not react while Korbin was watching her face closely for signs of panic. This wasn't how the panic usually started, but she was hyper aware of everything he was doing.  Her arms even had goosebumps.  What was going on?  Korbin's face didn't tell her anything, but when she looked at his arms she thought she saw goosebumps on him too.  Maybe it was just a little cold out, she decided. Her heart was still beating fast, and she seemed sensitive to his touch, but it wasn't unpleasant. After a minute, Jamie gave a small smile and shared, "I think this might work."

After a few minutes of walking Korbin asked, "How are you doing?"

Jamie was silent before she admitted, "I was worried at first, but the anxiety faded."

She frowned and glanced over. Somehow there was almost a full arms length between them, without her even noticing. She asked suspiciously, "Did you move away?"

Korbin glanced over before he cautiously answered, "I don't think so." He moved closer again.

Jamie tried to pay attention this time, and was relieved when the initial anxiety faded quickly even though she stayed close. Gradually, Jamie began to look at the neighborhood as they walked. She heard Korbin clear his throat and turned around to see him watching her as she gradually eased away.

She frowned and eventually admitted, "This isn't working."

Korbin nodded and backed away.

He didn't have to give up so easily, Jamie thought resentfully, and surprised herself by grabbing his arm and pulling him back as she explained, "You need to get closer, and stay closer." When Korbin looked doubtful she reassured, "I'm really not afraid. The moving away has become a habit."

Jamie waited anxiously as Korbin thought about what she had said. He had made it clear that he didn't intend to let her push herself too much. If she tried to force this he might refuse to help at all. He was still frowning, but he seemed to be considering what she she had to say. Then, he cautiously put an arm around her shoulders, while he kept a careful watch for signs of panic.

Jamie shivered at the unfamiliar feelings of contact with another person outside of sparing. Her pulse picked up, and her skin tingled. She started to breath faster, and she wondered briefly if this was the start of another panic attack. When the intense fear didn't follow and instead she felt her cheeks heat with a blush she finally understood.  She felt a little foolish as it dawned on her that what she was feeling was plain old attraction. After a few minutes, she forgave herself for not recognizing the feeling. It wasn't like she had any experience with guys.

Most of the guys that she had grown up with didn't want to ask out the girl who had beaten them up on the playground, and if she was completely honest, she had trouble getting past those memories too.  The few guys that had been interested were quickly scared away by her uncles and father. She had decided early on that any guy that was scared off that easily wasn't worth her time. After her father had died, it was like her all her emotions, except fear, had withered away.

Jamie glanced over at Korbin and saw that he was still watching her with a worried expression. She gave him a reassuring smile. Jamie felt Korbin relax when she didn't panic.  It felt good to not be afraid.  She stole a quick glance at Korbin and felt her heart pick up speed again.  It felt even better to be this close to Korbin and not be afraid.

Korbin looked over with a concerned expression, and caught her looking at him. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Jamie quickly nodded and looked straight ahead as she answered, "I'm fine." To prove it she cautiously put her arm around his back too. He stiffened as he looked at her warily, but gradually relaxed and focused on the walk home.  Jamie gave a small smile, and enjoyed the rest of the walk home.  She didn't even think about how her uncles might react until it was too late.

How do you like it so far?  Let me know if there is anything you find TOO out there and unbelievable.  As always, I would appreciate any comments, votes, or following.