Divine Will

Chapter Fourteen - Spending the Night and Blueberry Pancakes

Julian's lips felt so soft yet so rough against mine. He licked my lower lip asking for entrance and I gave it to him. I slowly opened my mouth and he wasted no time in slipping his tongue in. I let him take the lead as his tongue roamed all over my mouth as if searching for something. It was so sweet but... something suddenly clicked in my mind.

"I... I can't." I said as I pulled back and shook my head.

"Rosie." He started and I looked up at him through my eyelashes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." He apologized.

I didn't say anything and just stared at his blue colored eyes. They resembled the ocean. It was hard for someone not to get lost in those eyes. I turned my face the other way and grabbed my plate of the now cold lasagna. I held the plate in my hand and stood up. "I need to reheat my plate. Do you want me to reheat yours as well?" I asked him a low, soft voice. Julian just nodded; not saying a word.

I held both plates in my hands and walked to the kitchen. I placed Julian's plate first in the microwave then turned around and looked out the kitchen window. My fingers, on their own accord, moved up to my lips. I had never kissed anyone after Nicholas. I had to admit, though, I loved the feeling of his lips against mine; it felt good. "Please forgive me, Nicholas." I whispered to myself then turned around as the microwave made a ding sound, but I suddenly froze in place as I saw Julian standing in front of me.

"I thought I'd come see if you needed help." He said.

"I'm...I'm good." I stuttered nervously.
He nodded and stood silently.

I opened the microwave door and took out Julian's plate then placed mine. We both stood silently as we waited for the lasagna to finish reheating; it was an uncomfortable silence.

Grabbing my plate from the microwave I held it in my hand and went to grab Julian's plate as well to take them to the living room when he stopped me.

"Let's just eat here." He told me.

I nodded. "Okay."

I placed my plate down on the table and sat down. Julian took a seat on the chair beside me. We started eating; both of us not saying a word. Finally Julian put the fork down and looked up at me.

"Rosie, I don't want you to act awkward towards me because of what just happened."

I tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear and looked up at him. "We shouldn't have. I shouldn't have."

"Why, Rosie?" He asked me. "Tell me why."

"I feel..." I felt a lone tear slide down my face. "I feel like I'm betraying Nicholas."

"Is that why you were asking for his forgiveness earlier?" He asked me and I nodded.

He stood up from his seat then squatted down in front of me and placed his hand on my laps. "Rosie, you did nothing wrong." He told me softly. My head was bowed down as I looked at Julian's hands on my laps. Suddenly he removed one of his hands and placed it under my chin as he tilted my head up. He noticed my tear streaked face and wiped the tears away with his thumb then hugged me tightly. I didn't hesitate as I wrapped my arms around him; relishing in his touch. He rubbed my back up and down in a soothing manner. I felt myself relax in my arms.
He pulled back from the hug shortly after and looked at me. "You're not betraying him, Rosie." He told me softly then took his forefinger and brushed my hair out my eyes and behind my ear. "You deserve another chance in love." He whispered soothingly.

"What about Nicholas?" I asked him for some reason.

"Nicholas was something special in your life, but now he's gone." He told me softly.